Bah Humbug!!

I don't know what's changed this year.  Perhaps I am INSANELY busy with a university course, running my own Pampered Chef business, two dance classes, learning how to quilt, four kids and appliances dropping like flies around here....but I am NOT in the spirit this year.  Normally the house is decorated by now, Christmas cards from years past are proudly displayed on our mantel, lights twinkle down the stairs and the house feels warm.  Maybe it's our leaking windows but this year the house is cold.  Maybe it's because I can't fill the house with the smell of home baking (because the stove died) but it stinks around here and it isn't the dog either! 

Maybe it's because there isn't any snow, and while me and my all season tires are happy for that, I'm thinking that I **may** have biten off more than I can chew. 

Tomorrow will change things for us.  We start the day with breakfast with Santa at the kids school and then off to cut down our Christmas tree.  Perhaps we'll make decorating the house a family affair after the tree and I can jump into the holiday spirit. 

For now, my cold feet and stinky house say BAH HUMBUG!! 

Happy Birthday Baby Boy

Two years ago at this exact moment I was in the hospital, walking around, DETERMINED to have a VBAC.  I remember doing laps around the nurses station.  Remembering which pictures were where as I rounded corners thinking, "Just get to the giraffes" or "just make it to that awful green dog painting".  I remember finding that rocking chair in the hallway and sitting down and rocking.  Envisioning that I was holding you and rocking you back and forth.  I didn't want to get up.  Walking hurt. Sitting hurt too but it was less energy than walking! 

But I did get up.  Your Daddy was my rock.  He kept me going.  LITERALLY held me up when I wasn't strong enough.  Kept me going when I wanted to quit.  And something I've never openly admitted is I WANTED to quit.  It was in the back of my mind the ENTIRE time, "if I can't do it, if I change my mind, they won't hesitate to cut this baby out of me". 

But Daddy wouldn't let me quit.  I told the midwife at 8 cm that I wanted an epidural.  I had told Daddy MONTHS earlier NOT to let me have one.  Even if I begged and pleaded, NOT to let it happen. 

He couldn't see me in so much pain.  He couldn't listen to me beg.  He gave in.  But just as he requested for some relief for Mommy, God stepped in and had other plans.  You were coming.  There was no time.  Even as I was pushing, I kept thinking about giving up.  How the nurses or OB wouldn't HESITATE in giving a woman who already had two cesareans another one.  Then the midwife leaned in close.  I could feel her hot breath on my face.  I wanted her to move away...she was in my space.  But she didn't.  She got right up in my face and told me to do it.  Told me to get mad.  Dig deep.  Find the energy and push you out.  I had to push you out or the doctor was going to suction you out. 

I had already done it.  You were coming out vaginally whether I wanted you to or not.  I had pushed through.  And I continued to push and you came screaming into this world, warm and wet and INSTANTLY placed on my chest (still the BEST feeling in the world!!!).  I fell in love with you even more.

I love you so much.  I'm so proud of you.  I can't believe it's been two years already. 

Just remember, my sweet Kiefer.  It's not a failure for WANTING to give up.  It's only a failure if you do.  You taught me I can accomplish what I set my mind to - even if I feel like giving up.  As long as I am persistant, I can do it.  So young yet you've already taught me something. 

This is a little break from my 'days of thanks' but I am SO thankful for you.  I am SO VERY thankful for achieving my goal of a VBA2C with you too. 

Mommy loves you so much.  Today and everyday. 

34 Days of Thanks - Day 5

I've posted a lot about the PEOPLE in my life that I am so thankful for.  My husband, my parents, my grandparents and my siblings.  So can you guess who comes next?

My precious Parker

My devil Blaine

My miracle Kiefer

I was a bit of a lost soul.  Searching for my purpose in life.  School wasn't it.  Medicine wasn't it.  I didn't know what my purpose was.  And I found it the day I gave birth.  I was meant to be a mom.  To be a mom to these three wonderful boys. 

There are days that I yell entirely too much.  There are days when I ask where I hand in my resignation.  (Funny no one EVER takes it...)  But there are far many more days that I catch them in a loving act towards each other.  There are many more days that my heart feels as if it is going to burst out of my chest with pride.  And EVERY night I feel more love than I could have ever imagined as I sneak quietly into their rooms and pull the covers up over their shoulder and kiss their beatiful soft cheeks goodnight, whispering "I love you".  I hope that they feel it more than they ever hear it. 

And I never miss an opportunity to say it. 

I love you Parker.  You are my sensitive first born and I marvel everyday at how SMART you are and how protective you are of your two younger brothers.  You make me so proud. 

I love you Blaine.  You are my devil who is always pushing the boundries, but I marvel at how determined and how you have a mind of your own.  You will not be hearded...and that makes me proud. 

I love you Kiefer.  You are my miracle.  My VBA2C baby.  You're almost 2 and still such a Momma's boy...and I have to say, I'm EATING it up.  Every day you seem to learn something new and I'm so proud of you too.

They are so right when they say, when you have kids, it's like your heart walking around outside your body.  And God blessed me with three hearts. 

I'm so so so blessed.  :)

34 Days of Thanks - Day 4

Okay wow, I'm REALLY bad at this whole blogging thing. Especially in a summer where the time I have to myself (and I mean myself as being ALONE not just without children or hubby) is about minus 20 minutes every day.  Oh well, hey I didn't say it would be 34 days in a ROW did I?  LOL

I do actually have all 34 days laid out.  I know what I am thankful for 34 times over...and I'm sure I could do it all over again .... 34 times!! 

Anyways, my day 4, delayed as it is, is my sister and brother.  As much as they drove me nuts as kids, they kept me grounded and sane at times when no one else could. 

I have a hilarious memory of my brother and one of his friends taking me out for beer and wings.  The two of them were competing it seemed as to who could eat the hottest wings.  These two grown men were in TEARS the wings were so hot, as they complained they weren't hot enough!  Hahahaha.  I don't think I've ever seen my brothers face turn so red!! 

Although he's my younger brother, I've often felt like he's older the way he takes care of me.  Lending me money when I need it, taking care of my boys, and his quiet but strong demenor listening when I need it most. 

I couldn't have been prouder to have my sister and brother stand up for me at my wedding.  This is one of my favorite pictures. 

My baby sister.  Who I keep calling my baby sister but she's far from being a baby.  For some reason I just feel this maternal need to look out for her and protect her, but she's far from needing that either!!  She's a strong willed, incredibly smart and beautiful woman.  And she's always looked out for me too.  I have fun memories of her too.  Visiting me down town Toronto for visits and not being able to sleep at night due to the "click clack" of the female 'workers' at night!  LOL  Okay so I wasn't exactly living in Rosedale! 

I was really happy to be a part of my sister's wedding too.  Everything was planned to perfection and she looked like a princess. 

I have so many great memories with my siblings but as they say a picture is worth a thousand words so here goes:

Protecting her from the beginning...

Proud of my new baby brother

Playing with my siblings

Did we bury Nicole?  ;)

Thanks Stephen and Nicole for playing with me, fighting with me, listening to me, laughing with me, crying with me, and just plain putting up with me.  Being siblings is not as harmonious as this post may portray, but we're still together aren't we?  :)

34 Days of Thanks - Day 3

One of my most vivid childhood memories was going to stay with my grandparents in the BIG CITY.  I was a small town girl, and going to Toronto was exciting and I looked forward to it every summer.  My grandmother would patiently wait on the TTC platforms until we could get the 'right' seat in the 'right' subway car.  I remember taking trips to Center Island for picnics and fun times with the family. 


Probably the thing I remember most, though, is not the big things.  It would be sitting on my grandparents couch and my grandfather bugging us, teasing us, and then my grandmother jumping in, "BERT!  Just leave them alone."  But we loved it.  We loved being bugged, and we loved that our grandmother would stick up for us. 

I remember my grandfather being SO proud when he got a deal.  "Look at these tomatoes.  You know where I got these tomatoes?  Guess how much I paid.  You'll never guess.  GUESS."  My grandfather worked at a printing press and I remember there always being paper in the corner cabinet in the kitchen.  I remember feeling so proud when at the next visit we would find our pictures still on the fridge. 

I remember my grandmother putting on her make-up in the living room in front of the mirror.  Why not use the bathroom?  Cause that's just how Grandma did it.  I remember being really young and getting baths in the kitchen sink.  It seemed like a HUGE kitchen sink when I was a kid, but the older I got I just realized it was only slightly bigger than average. 

I remember the house feeling like love.  I remember it always being warm.  We were always excited to go to Grandma and Grandpas.   

I remember my heart sinking when we found out Grandpa was sick.  And then breaking into a million pieces when I stood in his hospital room as he passed away.  My grandmother was so poised.  She seemed so strong, but I know inside she must have been suffering so deeply. 

Not outwardly sick, or in any distress, we were SHOCKED when only 6 short weeks later my grandmother suddenly passed away.  They say she died of a broken heart.  My grandparents were married over 50 years and were never apart for very long.  6 weeks was probably the longest they were ever apart. 

The last thing I remember, and I'll never forget was something my grandfather would say.  When he was sick, my grandmother diligently took care of him.  Managing his medications, appointments, taking over all the household chores that my grandfather was normally in charge of.  My grandfather saw and appreciated all the extra effort my grandmother was making. 

"When this is all over Ev, I'm going to take you on a vacation.  I'm going to take you on the vacation of a lifetime."

It was only 6 weeks they were apart.  I guess he kept his word.  My grandfather came and took my grandmother on a vacation.  A vacation of a lifetime.  

I could type forever.  I learned so much from both of you.  Your dedication to your faith, your family, your community.  I mean who has their TTC driver come to their funeral?  My grandfather, that's who. 

My heart still aches for your absence.  But I'm also thankful.  I'm so thankful I got to be a part of your life, and you were a part of mine. 

I love you both still so much and think of you often...

34 Days of Thanks - Day 2

If you love something, set it free.  If it comes back to you then it's yours forever. 

Ever hear that one?  Well, I'm sure it's true some of the time, but then there's the version I experienced: If you love something (or at least you *think* you love it) then set it free.  If it comes back to you then it's yours forever.....OR you realize why the hell you let it go in the first place and you 'set it free' for the last time! 

That was kind of the story with 'Mike'.  I was really hurt when we broke up for a second time.  Mostly because things this time were going to be different and I was really going to work hard at our relationship.  Uhm, ya.  Not even married here...like how 'hard' should you have to work.  It was the biggest favor anyone has EVER done me.  Honestly.  I can't even picture where I would be now if things turned out differently.  (small gag)

So when things fizzled out for a second time, I was now empowered.  I actually felt so...FREE.  Liberated.  For the first time in my life, I was excited to be single.  I was just going to enjoy being single and have FUN with my friends in the BIG SMOKE, for a good long while. 

Those were the best two months of my life. 

Seriously.  Two months.  That's it.  I was picturing a year, maybe two.  Instead I got two months before my prince charming whisked me off my feet. 

That's when I met Paul. 

I'm so thankful for Paul in more ways than I could ever write about.  Paul entered my life at a very tumultuous time.  My grandfather had just passed away, I lost a good job I had, and in a few short weeks, I would lose my grandmother too.  I can't imagine how I would have coped not having his shoulder to cry on.  Or his sense of humor to pull me through. 

We bought our first house in Toronto and very shortly after moving in Paul proposed to me - at our housewarming party with 75 of our closest friends looking on.  :)  We were married in Nassau, Bahamas with an intimate group, and then celebrated again back home with a reception with all our friends and family. 

We went through the loss of miscarriage just months after the wedding, and then the following stress of trying to get pregnant again. 

We experienced the absolute HIGH of giving birth to our first born together, and the anxiety of being new parents. 

We have had friends leave, family pass on, babies be born and weddings to celebrate.  We have gone through everything and everything together. 

We're not perfect.  I have my faults and Paul has his.  But somehow our 'grooves' fit together.  We may not be perfect, but we're perfect for each other. 

I have watched Paul face his fear and demons and fight them head on, and he has held my hand while I do the same.  Our life has never been easy, but I have never ever had to 'work hard' to be with Paul. 

He's my best friend.  My lover.  My husband. 

I love you Paul.  I'm thankful for you every day of my life. 

"Across the gateway of my heart, I wrote no thoroughfare.  But love came laughing by and cried, I enter EVERYWHERE."

34 Days of Thanks - Day 1

If we want to start talking about what made you the person you are today, I think we REALLY need to start at the beginning, don't you? 

I am thankful for my parents.  The two most influential people in my life, the people who put in the hard nights, the long hours and the teenage tantrums, and still love me. 

My parents have supported me through thick and thin.  Through good times they beamed with pride, and through bad times, they lent and ear and even a shoulder to cry on.  They have always been there for me - and I know and feel it every day. 

After taking a sabbatical from Queen's University, I decided to move to Toronto and transfer to U of T.  I had a boyfriend who lived downtown and many of my best friends lived there too, so it only seemed a natural fit.  I really started coming into my own that year.  I took a trip to Europe that summer and toured around.  I was living on my own, making new friends, reconnecting with old ones.  I was growing and becoming more independent.  I felt like I had the world on a string. 

Then a 2 am phone call to my mother.  Sobbing.  Bawling. 

"Krista, what's wrong?"
"Mike and I broke up.  I just....I just can't believe it"
"Krista, you knew the two of you weren't well suited"
"I know...I know.  It just hurts so much" 
<insert lots and LOTS of heart felt crying here>
"Krista, do you want me to come and get you?"

2 am.  Probably closer to 3 am by the time we got to the bottom of why I was so sad.  And my mother just offered to drive over an hour and bring me home.  Which is EXACTLY where I wanted to be.  I remember feeling SO LOVED in that moment.  I'm not sure if I ever told you that Mom.  But I'll remember that forever.  And I hope when one of my boys calls me tearfully, I'll do the same thing. 

My Dad.  Totally my hero.  A hard worker.  A dedicated family man.  I hope all my boys grow up to be the perfect combination of their father and MY father. 
I was driving too fast.  I was late...like I'm always late...but just as I realized I was driving too fast, it was too late.  A freak snow storm in the early days of APRIL, I realized 3 seconds too late I was driving too fast, as my mini van skidding off the road and into the ditch.  Now I'm REALLY going to be late for my 12 week ultrasound. 
I tried calling Paul but he was unavailable in meetings.  My next call was to my father. 

"Dad I've been in an accident.  I'm okay, but now I'm going to miss my ultrasound and I'm worried about the baby"
"Are you okay?  Where are you?"

After telling my Dad I was fine, he instructed me to 'stay put' and he would be there as soon as he could.  As soon as I hung up the phone, Paul called me back.  Now both my men would be coming to my rescue. 

When we were all assembled I realized that either Paul or I had to stay with the car so CAA would tow us.  My Dad offered to drive me to my ultrasound and see if they would still take me in, as late as I was.  I explained to them I was just in a car accident and I really wanted to see if the baby was okay.  They squeezed me in. 

After the usual tests, they asked me if my, uhm, 'guest' would like to come in.  They assumed he wasn't my husband, so he was my guest.  :o)  I laughed and said, "sure, ask my Dad if he wants to come in" 

He did come in and was very curious about what everything was.  "What is that fluttering thing there in the middle?" my Dad asked as he pointed to the middle of the screen. 

"Oh that there is the heart beating"  Before the words were even fully out of the technicians mouth, my father gasped bringing his hand up over his mouth. 

It was such an honest, response, and perhaps not overly obvious, I felt true love in that moment.  And in an amazing way, I felt it for not only myself but my unborn child. 

I love you both so very much, and everyday I am so thankful that you are my parents. 

Mommy and Me

Me and Daddy

34 Days of Thanks

Tomorrow marks my 34th birthday.  I actually had to pull up a calculator on my computer and confirm that I AM actually turning 34 tomorrow.  Damn, 33 went by really fast....can I have a re-take?? 

In an effort to keep me humble and recognize everyone and everything that has shaped me into the fine piece of art I am (ahem ahem!) I am going to do 34 days of thanks.  Each day a testiment to some one, some thing, some circumstance that I am thankful for, that helped shape the person I am today.  I'm also going to include a picture for each day.  They say a picture is worth a thousand words....

Stay tuned for tomorrow is day 1. 

:)

The earliest picture I have of myself.  The day I came home. 

Cheesey Chicken broccoli

OMG you have a blog?  

Uhm, ya I did.  Well I do.  Uhm, it's complicated. 

The complication being I find less and less time to get on here and talk, reminice or just plain rant about what's going on in my life. 

In a meek effort to keep my blog from being another blog hole in the internet (blog hole...get it?  like black hole....okay I'm rusty) I will post our lovely dinner from last night.  Super easy, super tasty and low in fat! 

Ingrediants:

chicken breasts
low fat cream of chicken soup (or any other cream soup you fancy)
broccoli
cheese wiz (yes I said cheese wiz which I use for NOTHING in our house other than this recipe.  Just give it a chance...)

This is actually a one dish recipe but I converted it so I can bake the chicken breasts making them lower in fat.  If you're looking for one dish, fry the chicken and then add all the ingrediants.  BAM.  Instant (next to instant) dinner.  For the lower fat version, read on:

Bake chicken breasts at 350 for 25 minutes (making sure they are NOT pink in the inside. 
Boil broccoli in pot till desired tenderness
Place soup (including added milk) and 2 large tablespoons of cheese wiz in large frying pan and warm.  Stir until cheese wiz is completely melted. 

When your chicken is done, cut into cubes and add to soup mixture.  Drain broccoli and add to soup mixture.  VOILA.  Low fat, TASTY, cheesey broccoli chicken dish.  And my kids LOVE this one.  We pour it over rice, but pasta would work nicely as well.

I don't need a lecture

So for those of you that know me, and heck, even those of you who don't know me, you probably know I'm a very opinionated person.  I'd like to think I have an open mind about most things, but if I have an opinion on it, you'll know it!  LOL

So my latest 'rant' is that of parenting.  What else?!  Here are some tidbits of info about OUR family:

I take my kids to McDonalds.  No we don't order the grill cheese.  We cheeseburger it up, with FRIES.  No I am NOT interested in hearing the merit of being a vegan and NO I do not want to know where my meat comes from.  I am blissfully ignorant. 

I often times give my kids time outs.  I also threaten to spank.  Even though it is so rare, I can probably count on one hand how many times it has happened, I DO spank my kids if they deserve it.  My 19 month old is not going to understand my explanation of why he shouldn't run into the road, but perhaps in his limited understanding, he'll remember the burning on his butt when he approaches the road again.  And let's keep this in perspective people, the little munchkin wears diapers - hello!!  Built in cushion!! 

I yell at my kids.  Probably because I don't discipline as well as I should.  But it's what is done.  I never ever belittle, or talk down to...just yell out of frustration! 

I'm honest with my kids.  I tell them when I need some 'alone time'.  I suggest 'alone time' to them when I think they need it.  More times than not, when I suggest it, they take it.  I don't think it's mean, I think it helps them to understand themselves and their boundaries and set them up for success in dealing with things as an adult. 

I use butter.  I don't use margarine and I again, don't care about the 'milk' issue.  Have you EVER seen mould on margarine?  Uhm, doesn't that concern you AT ALL?!  Your food should be PERISHABLE people. 

I clean with cleaners.  HARSH ones.  I use environmentally friendly stuff wherever I can and whenever I see that it is effective.  But with a household of 4 boys, 1 husband, 1 DOG (who keep in mind does not have shoes that she REMOVES) - I use CHEMICALS on my floors.  If someone can point me to a more environmentally friendly alternative that DISINFECTS and CLEANS just as well, I'm all for it. 

And lastly, I don't take judgement on how you parent or run your household.  Only use vinegar and water on your floors?  Good for you!  Never eaten meat in your life and never want to?!  Congrats!  Wish I was as determined. 

I don't need a lecture.  I don't go out into the world and preach my 'beliefs' so REALLY?!  I don't need one from you. 

I LIKE McDonalds.  I feel like sh*t every time after I eat it, but to me, it's worth it. 

My kids behave better after a time out, or godforbid, a spanking.  It grounds them and reminds them who's the boss.  Perhaps I wouldn't have so many snot nosed teenagers talking back to me at Timmies if they had gotten a few more spanks as a kid.

I'm not afraid to share with you how I parent.  I'd LOVE to hear how you parent your children.  Don't you think we can all learn a thing or two?  But honestly, I don't need a lecture on how poorly I'm doing. 

Don't you think we all just do the best we can with what we are given?  I mean this isn't my front lawn, it's my OFFSPRING.  I would run into a burning building to save them.  Surely to goodness I give them all the love I have each and everyday. 

And I'm sure the same is true for all of us who are parents. 

So pissy old lady in Walmart...keep your comments to yourself.  I'm doing the best I can. 

Friggin' OUCH

Two days later and it still hurts and looks gross. 

How come no one told me I have MAN fingers????

Next up, Party on Thursday!!

So next up for me is a Pampered Chef party on Thursday night.  I'm looking forward to it.  Only my second party, so it's good to get out in front of girls and get my skills up.  I WAS a public speaking champ so you'd think I wouldn't be nervous about it.  Uhm, NOT SO.  Thankfully I think the majority of the group will be my booby friends....so hey, if you can't be yourself in front of your booby friends, WHERE can you?!  I ask you!  LOL

So the plan today is to change the poopy bum that is circling around me, pick up some yummy lunch (wraps perhaps?) and take it over to my Daddy, put baby down for nap, and do some bathrooms and floors!!  YIPPIE.

Are you understanding now why I'm not blogging everyday?  It's a simple life people, but it's my life and for today at least, I wouldn't have it any other way.

OH and PS.  I'm TOTALLY going to lose my finger nail because of that darn stone.  GROOOOOOSSSSSSSS.  Ew. 

Newest cake

Haven't really had much to write about lately for some reason.  I mean I could have written about a lot of stuff.  Our car accident, the officer who hit on me while charging me with careless driving, my wonderful mothers day, my awesome anniversary.  But lately, I've preferred to LIVE in these moments, rather than rush to the computer to commemorate them.  Anyways, I'm pretty proud of my cake creations and here's the newest one.  Made for a girlfriend of mine's daughter.  Seeing as there are NO girls to make cakes for in this house, I JUMPED at the opportunity to do something a little girly!! 

A Royal wedding with Royal excitement...WHY NOT?!

Okay listen up all you haters out there, seriously?!  Did your mother not ever teach you "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?!"  Why all the hating on the excitement of the Royal Wedding?!?!  I can remember how just down right GIDDY I was planning my own wedding so why should we not share in the same excitement for the Royals??  I sat this afternoon watching my PVR'd version of the events and explained to my sons that this was a REAL LIVE prince and princesss!!  To which Blaine responded, "but what's the NAME of this show?"  LOL  Not TOTALLY getting it.  Parker wanted to know if they were going to have a baby in this show.  Okay so REALLY not getting it! hahaha.  But it was still exciting to them.  A real live prince and princess.  Why not??  It's a bit of a fairy tale.  NO fairy tales are not logical nor do they even make sense sometimes, but they are exciting and infuse a feeling of HOPE. 

So yup, I was excited for the Royal couple.  And I wish them all the best.  And I really wish all you haters would just SHUT UP.  No one cares you don't care about the wedding.  If you don't want to watch, go out into the big beautiful world and live a little of your own life and stop hating on others lives. 

For me, I've hunkered down, put my own life on hold for a bit, and am replaying that famous SECOND kiss over and over again. 

Tooth lost!

Parker has lost his FIRST tooth!  My baby is growing up so fast.  I can't even believe it.  

Here is the picture of his new tooth fairy pillow.  Next one will have bigger 'legs' and a larger 'pocket'.  



What is the concensus on what the tooth fairy delivers these days??  Parker got $5 for his FIRST tooth, but we're thinking a toonie will be what she leaves after this.  

I have a new job!!

So tonight I met a bunch of AWESOME ladies and signed up to be a Pampered Chef consultant!! 

I'm really excited about this new opportunity because I LOVE Pampered Chef products.  They are high quality and innovative.  And I really love the recipes you get with the products!!  The products actually make me WANT to cook!  LOL 

So if anyone wants to earn some FREE stuff, contact me and we'll have a party!!

Snuggle bunny

Snuggled my little monkey to sleep tonight.  Okay not the most interesting blog post, but I just wanted to say, I LOVE IT. 

So many parenting books would say I'm not doing my kid any favors by snuggling him to sleep but you know what?!  I think I AM.  I am definately giving something.  A sense of love.  A sense of comfort.  A sense of security.  I think those are HUGE favors. 

That's it.  I snuggled and I loved it. 

:)

Clutter - the untold love story

We've moved three times now, as a couple and family.  I myself have moved many many more times than that, as my LOVING father can attest to.  I'm sure my Dad will never forget getting whistled at on Church Street as he moved me into my first downtown apartment.  He was whistled at by another man...to which he responded, "you'll be very safe in this neighborhood Krista".  Gosh I love my dad!  :)  As we all know with moving comes PURGING.  Getting rid of all those items that you haven't really used since the last time you moved.  Generally speaking, I am a tidy person.  I like the look of clean, and am trying very VERY hard to break my "pack rat" ways. 

**As an aside, can I tell you as a good piece of advice, two pack rats should NEVER EVER marry.  I currently have a large box of those mini alcohol bottles (that I am sure most of are older than I am) in my basement.  My husband assures me, that one day they will be worth something.  Worth a damn good night of drinking and a hangover like you've never seen is what I'm thinking!**

But back to "Clutter", I recently had a little get together at our house.  Just a few girls over for a Pampered Chef party.  It's the FIRST get together I've had in our 'not-so-new-anymore' house.  So of course, first impressions are everything, and we have been here for over a year now, so out come the cleaning gloves!

As a part of our last house sale, our real estate agent provided us with a house stager.  She came in and told us all the areas of our house we need to tidy up, or de-clutter, and even gave us tips on what colours of paint to use and what sorts of art were appropriate to hang on the walls.  I tried to take a few of those lessons along with me while I cleaned up for my party. 

CLUTTER.  There should be no clutter on counters, shelves, the floors.  The less clutter you have the bigger your home looks.   So I started looking around.  GEEEEZUS.  There's clutter everywhere! 

Above is a picture of one half of our entertainment unit.  The top shelf boasts a family portrait recently taken.  It was a labour of love.  The hour long photo session consisted of chasing the boys around, begging and pleading for them to stay still long enough to take a decent photograph, and corralling them long enough to not break any of the photographers equipment.  Despite our harrowing experience, we did end up with a decent photograph.  So it's something we look at and laugh. 

Also up there on the top shelf is Parker's hockey trophy.  His first trophy ever.  He's SO proud of it, and as he should be.  Many early weekend morning practices were clocked, a few out of town games, and hours of hard work and determination were invested in getting that trophy.  I hope it's something that he has years to come. 

One of my favorite pieces of art, albeit small, joins the other items on top billing.  A canvas piece that says, "the best things in life aren't things".  After giving birth to my three beautiful and wonderful sons, I couldn't believe that more. 

Move on down and you'll find a "Kiss Me" wooden craft recently painted by my rockstar son, Blaine.  As well as his picture as a baby.  A picture does speak a thousand words doesn't it?  Coupled with those, are a small tile talking about soul mates, that Paul gave me for Valentines day. 

Most touching of my "clutter" on these shelves is a picture of Kiefer on my chest just seconds after being born, VBA2C.  A very proud moment for all of us. 

What other 'clutter' lies around my house??

Our fridge spotted with art projects by the kids, and family pictures. 

Board games that sit on top of our fridge, so we grab them whenever the mood strikes.  Some of the BEST times we have had with the boys have been around our kitchen table playing these games.

Art drawer on our kitchen table with a card that my oldest son Parker has made for his best friend who now lives hundreds of miles away.  :( 

This last item of 'clutter' finally hit me.  I do have clutter.  I have kids so of course I have clutter.  But on top of that, we have memories.  We have tokens of affection.  We have trophies marking our proudest moments. 

All of the sudden I was fine with not having a model home.  You won't find a picture of my living room in an interior decorating magazine.  But I'm okay with that. 

My house is cluttered with LOVE. 

And that kind of clutter is nothing but GOOD.

Easy dinner

So the other night I was NOT in the mood to cook and had resigned myself to a dinner of grilled cheese when I opened the fridge and realized I had some 'starting to wilt' broccoli.  DRAT.  Now what am I going to do with it? 

AHA!!  THIS is what I'll do with it:

Broccoli garlic pasta

Boil pasta to your desired tenderness and in separate pot, boil broccoli - and I mean boil the CRAP out of it.

In small fry pan, saute 3-4 cloves of garlic and 1 white oinion until soft. 

When broccoli is VERY soft, drain with the lid of the pot to perserve as much of the broccoli as possible and MASH like you would mash potatoes.

Drain your pasta and and then add to it the mashed broccoli, oinion and garlic.  Add 1-2 tablespoons of butter (or your favorite cooking oil) and serve with a sprinkle of parmesean cheese.

**You can add roasted chicken or even tuna to this recipe to add some more protien! **

My kids LOVE LOVE LOVE this recipe and it's SO easy and simple to do.  And it is PERFECT for that broccoli you've left just a little too long! 

Feeling tired and weak

Recently, I've been trying to make some changes in my life.  I find myself getting annoyed and frustrated with certain situations in my life but I know that sort of energy only to be damaging and not productive.  How does the saying go?  You can only control your own actions, not the actions of those around you...or something like that.  I subscribe firmly to that statement. 

Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world".  I believe this is even more true when raising children.  I am not, or at the very least, do not WANT to be a "Do as I say, not as I do" sort of parent.  If I want my children to learn something, I believe they are going to learn it best from my example.  

All that being said, I have started going to church, every week for the last couple of months now.  I'm looking for some "bigger" answers, some "bigger" truths, and hey, if you're going to get 'help' from someone, who better to help you than the Big Guy himself.  :o) 

Only I'm at a loss.  I don't feel like any answers are forthcoming.  I don't feel renewed or stronger.  As a matter of fact, I'm feeling tired and weak.  I feel like I have taken steps BACKWARDS, instead of forwards. 

SIGH.  So then I turn back to what I believe.  "Be the change...you want to see".  So where do I find some answers.  This may shock some of you, but I do in fact own and even READ, a bible. 

So then I find 2 Corinthians 12:9.  "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

So I'm thinking, that despite my feeling weak, I should have some Christful power in me right now???  Why doesn't it feel that way?  And how do I get that feeling?? 

Am I going to the wrong church?  You know when you go to church and the sermon just seems like it was written for you and you alone?  That somehow the priest knew EXACTLY what to say to reach into your heart and soul and lift you up and make you feel stronger?  I've had moments like that, and they are so empowering.  So awesome.  Today, this morning, at mass was the EXACT opposite.  After the readings and then the sermon, I thought, wow, that wasn't helpful AT ALL. 

How can that be??  Am I missing something???

Somebody help me out here....

Hectic

For some reason, the last little while has seemed VERY hectic around here!  Kiefer is MUCH more mobile every day and is demanding MORE and more of my attention every day.  That leaves very little time to cook for 6 people, do laundry for 6 people, AND clean up after SIX people.  Much less sit down for half an hour or more, a day and upload photos and write about the days events! 

What's new with us most recently is I signed Parker and Blaine up for March break camp.  The camp was only $20 a day, and runs from 8 am until 4 pm.  What does that work out to?  Like $2.50 and hour?!  Can't beat it!  AND it has always been one of Derek's favorite camps.  Well, P&B were not disappointed as they LOVE the camp as well.  But WOW!!  It is the most unstructured camp I have EVER seen.  It appears like they are just muddling through the day until it's 4 pm and time to go home.  But again, I reiterate, my kids LOVE IT!! 

The downside to the lack of structure?  My kids have come home the last three days absolutely SPUN.  You would think a long day like that would tire them out.  OH NO. Not even close.  It's like they are just keeping them contained all day long and by the end of the day they need to release some steam!!  I'm thinking tomorrow we might have to hit a park on the way home.  Or maybe I'll have them run behind the car all the way home!!!

Kiefer is getting more communicative.  He actually signed for "milk" yesterday.  I was over the moon happy.  Yippie!!  There is intelligent life in that little head of his!  LOL  Until that moment the most I ever got from him was caveman like grunts.  So nice for him to actually SIGN something and let me know that there is SOME comprehension going on. 

Well, it's late and I'm sure my typing/spelling is awful (I'd say atrocious but wow...how do you spell that one???)

Have a good night all!
*^_^*

Tuxedos and panic

I'm sure many mothers have had that 'moment' when their child reaches a certain milestone when all of the sudden, it seems like life is just moving too fast.  Or even, you're not quite sure where all the time went and how did you get 'here' so fast?!  A little unsettling feeling in your stomach, you start to get a bit nervous, and all the sudden you're in full on panic mode. 

That moment happened to me the other day.  And like most, it took me completely off guard! 

Parker came up to me and said, "Mom, I have a loose tooth!"

In FULL ON COMPLETE PANIC MODE I shot back, "No you don't." 

No you don't?  That's my reaction to my first borns FIRST loose tooth?  The panic for me was INSTANT.  I remember being in labor.  I remember wondering if it was too early to go to the hospital.  I remember that crazy commando crawl he would do on his belly that we all laughed at.  How could we be here at loose teeth already?!?!

My mind immediately did about 500 jumps in time right up to the point where I was looking at Parker standing at the front of an alter all decked out in a tuxedo.  A handsome and poised young man, exuding the air of success.  He looked over at me and winked, and then his bride took his side.  I was going to lose him one day.  "SHE" would come along and take him away from me.  PANIC sinking in FURTHER.  Starting to sweat now, and butterflies quickly turning into nauseousness. 

Get a hold of this situation Krista, before many more moments slip away! 

I scooped him up onto my lap and asked him, "Which tooth is it sweetie?  Show me". 
He proudly wiggled a front bottom tooth and we had a heart to heart about the tooth fairy and how exciting it was to hit a new milestone in life. 

I'm a long way from winks in tuxedos, but I'm still clinging to every special moment we have.  Panic has put me in my place and I remember once again just how special these moments are.

I'm Baaaaaaaack

Most of my readers follow me on Facebook and/or Twitter so you know the rough week we've been having with health issues in our house.  First there was the black eye, then the vaccination shots and then this week the 104 degree fever!  Yowsers!! 

I have never leaned over the crib and bent down to pick up a baby and felt like he was too hot to touch.  At 3 am in the dark it's a shock to say the least!!  I **think** we are past the fever stage - now we're just waiting for those THREE teeth to come in.  Oh yes, I said three.  All.  At.  Once.  Poor baby!!

I have been brainstorming my latest rant, praise, sermon in the car the last few days and come up with SO MANY good ideas - but as my house is quiet for the first time in days, and the baby is sleeping, the kids are at school and I'm sitting typing at my desk, do you think I can think of ONE of those golden gems I decided to write about???  Uhm, NO.

So I'm sure they'll come back and I'll have three or four posts in one day, but just wanted to say, yes I'm still here in cyber space, I'm still face/tweet/blogging.  And I really appreciate all the supportive comments from all my followers/friends out there.  In a digital age, it's nice to know that sometimes in the sequestered world of digital media, we can actually use it to CONNECT ourselves, and show support for one other.  In some cases, messages of support from MILES away.  How else would we connect if it were not through our distant keyboards?

Stay tuned for pics of Parker's debut game at the Colt's GAME!!  :o)

Hugs,
~K

It's been 3 years and it still hurts like it's been 3 minutes...

Three years ago today I recieved a phone call from my husbands best friend Rick.  Rick's voice was shakey and he was clearly upset. 

"She's not going to make it through the night" he stammered. 

"What?!" I blasted back, as if he were accusing ME of something. 

"The doctors say her organs are shutting down and we don't have much longer"

"Oh my God," I sigh, "Are you okay?"

I did NOT just say that.  Not my brightest shining moment, I admit.

"NO I'm not OKAY," Rick naturally blasts back, "My wife is DYING."

Okay I need to get a hold of my BRAIN, slap it around a bit for taking a break at such a critical time, and get a hold of this situation.

"Rick, I'm calling Paul and we're coming down there.  We'll be there in a couple of hours."

I called Paul at work, he left work immediately.  I then called my sister to get her to come over and watch the boys so we could be with Rick in his time of need. 

We raced down to the hospital, just over an hour drive away.  We arrived at the ICU and called the room.  No answer.  We got a hold of a nurse and she said no one was around.  We waited in the waiting room for a bit, and then Rick walked in, tear stained face. 

"We lost her about an hour ago."

We were too late.  Selfishly, my first thought was, I'm too late.  I never got to say my final good bye. 

We stayed with Rick for the rest of the afternoon and went back to his place.  The house looked the exact same.  Pictures of the family gracing the fridge, drawings their 4 year old son Nathan had drawn proudly hanging on the walls.  But it was cold.  That warm loving house was so cold for the first time. 

Nola was gone.  And she wasn't ever coming back. 

Nola and I were "big things" friends.  We were always there for each other for the big things.  She and Rick came to Nassau for our wedding.  We attended their surprise wedding/baby shower.  We all celebrated when Nola's brother visiting from Yokoslavia to donate bone marrow.  We were always there for the big things.  Rick and Paul played hockey together and often we would coordinate when we could make a game together so the kids could play and we could catch up.  I loved getting hand me downs from Nola of Nathan's for Parker.  But probably the BIGGEST thing was I loved Nola for her mothering.  She was a PERFECT mother to Nathan.  And she always had the best advice.  And never in a judgemental way.  Not at all.  It was as if she thought she was just muddling along like the rest of us, when really she looked like a professional!

All of the sudden that was gone.  My friend was gone. 

And now, 3 years later my friend is still gone.  And although I wish I had more time with her, I wish I could have gotten the chance to be even closer friends with her, she is STILL GONE. 

And today, like every February 25th, I'm sad.  Really really sad. 

We lost one of the good ones. 

The world lost Nola.

I love you Nola.  And I miss you so much.

I fall for it EVERY freaking time!!!

I'm a late night snacker.  So much laundry, cleaning, blogging, photo archiving etc needs to be done late at night after the kids are in bed, and I inevitably get the munchies. 

Well there is ONE munchie trick that I fall for EVERY freaking time.  Getting tired of the 'same old' stuff at the front of the pantry, I dig to the back to see what's hiding in there.  Out I pull a good ole' favorite, right?

I mean, look at that icing, and the pies de resistance: the FILLING!  I mean it looks like you are going to bite into a big mess of gooey strawberry doesn't it?!

TRY AGAIN.  What the hell is that?!?!  I can barely TASTE the imitation strawberry sandwiched between the cardboard tasting pastry pocket!  And another 200 calories WASTED on yucky. 

Black eye - day 1 and 2

So my ever so lovely yet not so bright step son, of 14 years, decided he would 'forget' to leave the gate OPEN to our basement stairs.  One of my girlfriends put it perfectly. 

"It's frustrating when the older ones can't see around 'themselves' to be responsible"

She hit the nail on the head.  That is EXACTLY where we are at with our lovely TEENAGER.  I'm too young to have a teenager - mostly because I'm too young to have WRINKLES!!

Anyways, gate open - back to my story.  Baby, of course, fell down the stairs.  I, of course, FREAKED out on step son's head and scooped baby up to make sure all bones and teeth were intact.  I'm thankful to have been friends with a pediatric nurse from sick kids.  I will never forget her saying to me, "oh we don't worry as much about the ones that are SCREAMING, as much as we worry about the ones that are placid and silent".  Well in that case, I have NOTHING to worry about.  He was SCREAMING, but for everything that I could see, he was going to be fine.

Day one after the fall:

Notice the big freaking GRIN on his face?!  It happened in the morning on Monday and by the afternoon, after nap, he was all grins again.  This picture was taken Tuesday morning.  The swelling went up quite a bit over night, and I was a bit taken aback with the colour darkening up so much.

Well, day two came with more surprises:



This picture doesn't even do justice to the DARK purple colour that is now under his eye.  Also, the scrape on the side of his eye is now a full blown hard scab.  He was rubbing at it today and I was worried he would rub it off!! :(  But again, all giggles and smiles today.  He has no idea why everyone is looking at him and smiling, but he is EATING up the attention.  I'm thinking we're going to see more yellow tomorrow - but at least that is a sign of the blood turning old and healing right? 

Stay tuned for black eye updates. 

Vote for my baby!!

Many of my blog readers come directly from my facebook friends so saying this is redundant, but I have entered Kiefer into a baby contest.  It's run by Johnson's company (think baby soap) and as soon as I saw it I knew the PERFECT picture that would do for the contest. 

Here is the photo that I entered into the contest.  Doesn't he just LOOK like a Johnson's & Johnson's baby?!  :o) 

At any rate, if you haven't seen the link on my page, we'd appreciate any votes you would throw our way.  You can vote for Kiefer at the following link (if you are on facebook):

http://apps.facebook.com/johnsonsbabycanada/entry/119683

Right now the voting widget (did I use appropriate developer lingo?  What being married to one for 7 years does for ya!) seems to be broken but hopefully they'll fix it soon, so please keep trying!!

Thanks for the love!!  Love back atcha!

What mental disorder EXACTLY do I have??

I'm a perfectionist.  I always have been.  Ask my mom.  I was not a typical teenager that had a messy room.  (Okay I hated making my bed but that was it!)  My shelves were always very organized and my closet, or should I say, MY HALF of the closet was always the same.  I like things in their place.  I like order.  Of my friends, I was always the 'Monica'.  I could whip up a pie or lasagna on a moments notice, and my place was always neat.  And I would always drive my roomates nuts about the "cleaning schedule".  (Sorry guys!  Love you!)

Now if you ask me, I don't REALLY think I'm a perfectionist.  Things should just be put away.  I mean when you go to look at a model home, the counters are not sprinkled with flour, toys are not strewn about and the beds do not boast the 'tossled' look.  A home stager never comes over and says to you, "well you've got a nice place here, but let's mess it up a bit and make it look more lived in".  Why is that?  We KNOW people live in the houses we look at. 

Because it LOOKS GOOD.  We're not all perfectionists - it just looks good.  It looks right. 

I have let go A LOT of these perfectionist ways since having kids.  Before kids, the house would have to be clean and floors vacuumed before I went out.  And if someone was going to come over - well then a once over was definately in order.  Well, any of you who know me now, know FULL well that on any given day you can find a tumbleweed of dog hair, an innumerable amount of toys showered over the house, and dirty dishes akin to the leaning tower of Pisa.

It still DRIVES ME MENTAL.  So many of my friends tease my OCD ways.  So in a joking manner I posted something on facebook today about my OCD, and one of my girlfriends in response said it sounds more like I've got schizophrenia.  Well that got me thinking.  Do I even know the definition of any of those terms?  Perfectionism?  Obsessive compulsive disorder?  Schizophrenia?

So here's where reading my blog makes you smarter!  In a coles notes kind of a way:

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a condition characterized by persistent thoughts, images or impulses, known as "obsessions," that intrude into a person's mind and persist or get stuck.

Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that makes it difficult to tell the difference between real and unreal experiences, to think logically, to have normal emotional responses, and to behave normally in social situations

Perfectionism:  Hamachek describes two types of perfectionism. Normal perfectionists "derive a very real sense of pleasure from the labours of a painstaking effort" while neurotic perfectionists are "unable to feel satisfaction because in their own eyes they never seem to do things [well] enough to warrant that feeling of satisfaction". Burns defines perfectionists as "people who strain compulsively and unremittingly toward impossible goals and who measure their own worth entirely in terms of productivity and accomplishment".

So in a very satisfying, real way, I am back to being just a plain old perfectionist.  But really, I think I just like CLEAN! 

:P

Queen's Alumni!

So I'm shopping in Costco the other day and I see a guy walking down the aisle with a QUEEN's jacket on!  For those of you who don't know or have never seen one, they look approximately like this:

When I was going to Queen's I REALLY wanted one of these jackets, but at over $400 a pop, that was one months rent, and it just wasn't going to happen.  Then, I ended up transfering to U of T so it just wasn't in the cards. 

ANYWAYS, back to my story, so I see this guy walking down the aisle in one of these jackets and I think to myself, "oh I should totally say 'hi', tell him I used to go to Queen's, ask him if some of the old bars I went to are still around."  Just as I change my direction towards the guy, he turns and reveals his OTHER arm band, revealing his grad YEAR on his jacket. 

'14.  As in 2014.  As in 14 years LATER than I would have graduated Queen's.  Yes that's right I was class of '00. 

WTF?!

Needless to say I thank God he didn't see the "hey do I know you?" look on my face before I could beeline it to the checkout.

'14.  14 freaking years younger than me. 

Man.  I'm old. 

Happy Valentines Day

Just a few images from our Valentines day around the house!  :o)

And as a new FYI, I made another batch of egg free cupcakes and this time, the recipe called for BANANAS!  :o)  1 banana = 1 egg.  And they taste REALLY good.  Just another tid bit of info that might help someone along the way!  

Microwaveable Salt dough Cookies

Okay I'm a bit delayed on getting this one up here, but tomorrow we are going to do a bunch of HEARTS with this recipe!  It can be used for just about ANY holiday.  And when you can MICROWAVE them in about 2-3 minutes, you have NO excuse to not get down and dirty and do some crafts with the kids!!

SALT DOUGH COOKIES

• 4 cups of flour
• 1 cup salt
• 1 1/2 cups of hot water

*** Recipe can EASILY be halfed to make quite a few decorations ***

Using a microwave-safe plate (not paper or cardboard), microwave a plate of your ornaments for 1 to 4 minutes, increasing the time by 1 minute increments and keeping a close eye on the microwave as the ornaments bake. Microwave power levels differ, so use high power in a less-powerful oven, but lower if your oven heats things very quickly. You don't want to risk a fire! Let ornaments cool completely before decorating.

Here's our sample of Christmas ones:

"...they don't want to hear anything stinky!"

Blaine said something really funny today.

He was asking for help with putting on his doctor uniform - he was having trouble with the face mask.  He told my girlfriend Cari that doctors really needed to wear the face mask because, "they don't want to hear anything really stinky!"

Cari reassured him saying, "Yup Blaine that's EXACTLY why they wear them!"  LOL

3 hours off

Just got back from Kelowna BC visiting family.  It was awesome.  Mona (Paul's step mom) is an amazing woman who I admire a lot.  Paul's Dad is a tradional guy, and the kids adore him.  :)

Now my only issue is getting back on track time wise.  I mean, as a mother of 4 boys I was pretty much tired all the time anyways, but now we have this 3 hour time difference to deal with as well!  Getting up this morning at 7:30 really means to our bodies it was 4:30!  So we got up at 9 instead. 

Boy it makes for a long day.  Quick early dinner, swim lessons and then I think we'll ALL be ready for bed.  Trip synopsis soon.  When I catch up on sleep!!