STUCK

 

So, if I really think about it, I guess I'm feeling a little stuck lately.  It's like there are so many different options to take, different ways to push my business forward - I'm not sure which one to take!  I'm good at spending money.  Good at getting the pop bys, less good at the action of handing them out.  

I know I need to go door-knocking.  I've gone once.  In 4 years of real estate.  And I have never gotten a sale or referral from it.  

I am SO VERY EASILY distracted.  Even writing a blog post has me in 17 different directions and distractions as I write it.  

I need a marketing plan.  Then I need to follow it.  I started taking a course early last year.  Cost me $6,000.  I swore because it cost so much, I would definitely follow it to the letter.  And I did.  Until I stopped it entirely.  The work got too hard or too demanding and wasn't as 'fun' as I wanted it to be so it fell to the wayside.  

I just got 26 cups engraved with my logo.  They are supposed to be client gifts.  

Don't they look UH-MAZING?!  But already I'm wondering who is going to get them and are they just going to gather dust in the closet?  

So, speaking of distractions, Heidi is meeting with me tomorrow morning and we are making a plan!!  We are going to roll play for door-knocking and I'm going to follow the plan!  

Krista2.0.  2023 - the year of Krista!!  

CHECK!

 

And today's journal entry is brought to you by "it's on my to-do list".  

I like writing.  I find it cathartic.  And I've been told I'm good at it.  I guess when I try or I'm motivated enough to talk about a certain topic.  But it feels like to me I get all those swirling thoughts out of my head and down on paper, or er, on the screen as it may be.  

So I thought what's better than doing one journal entry a week?  DOUBLE IT!!  DO TWO!!  And this planner I'm using is UH-MAZING at keeping me focused and giving my life a purpose.  Not that I don't have a purpose...but some days ya know...you feel like you are just wandering around without any general sense of direction.  (much like this journal entry)

But what happens when your intention of becoming more focused, getting those thoughts out on paper (or screen), being intentional...all of those...what happens when it just becomes something on your to-do list?  Is it as effective?  Or is it just another load that you have to carry until it's done?!

LORD knows I have enough on my to-do list and a large enough load that I'm getting ripped just from carrying it all.  (Of course, this is mental and not actually physical...which hey would be super great but not quite yet...I'm working on it)

So I'm not quite sure what the answer to that question is.  So I'm going to follow the process, trust my gut and proceed with getting it done.  

I mean, when is a mental brain dump ever a bad thing?  

My friendship with Karen is still progressing...albeit slowly and with caution.  

I am a talker.  I don't like empty void spaces of no talking (I've been told this a technique of many salespeople to LEAVE empty space and let the OTHER person talk...I've never been good with that) and I say WAY too much.  I am, for the most part, an open book.  I don't put on airs, I'm not fake and you know what I'm thinking at any given moment.  I guess that means I would never make a good poker player.  

So I am hesitantly moving forward with the friendship, trying to talk as little about Tara as possible.  But man oh man the drama that girl brings to her life.  It's like a car wreck...you don't wanna look, and you feel bad, but MAN!  You just have to look.  

I vow to try to keep my mouth shut more and stop talking about Tara.  She's not a part of my life anymore (YIPPIE WAFFLE IRON BACK!!!) and that is sad but clearly, she was hiding a part of her that I didn't know existed.  I'm sad for losing the relationship I was building with her daughter but maybe there is hope for that.  She will eventually get social media and I'll reach out to her.  

My mind is all over the place.  I simply cannot focus on this journal entry today.  I have made a reservation for Blue Willow Tea Shop for Mother's Day.  I have called my husband.  I have replaced the ink toner in my ink jet printer, I have looked at and relooked at my planner to see what else I have to do today...what the hell is wrong with my mind?!?!?!

Okay now I'm going to order more ink for the printer because I'm running low on black.  I need to do my taxes. I need to book some time to visit my mother-in-law.  I'm a mess.  I feel like my brain is one big bowl of spaghetti!  No wonder I can't accomplish my goals...I can't stay focused on them long enough!  

Okay texted MIL.  

Where was I?  Friendship with Karen.  I am cautiously moving forward.  I like the knowledge she brings to my life in terms of sewing.  I like the motivation she pushes me.  And I like her firm boundaries.  There are lots of things I don't like - but here's the thing.  I have the power to see as much or as little of her as I want.  And I can curb the negative by always putting a positive spin on it.  She will get the hint eventually. 

We will see where it goes.  It sure feels good to feel wanted.  And missed.  What hurt more than anything was that I missed these people when they were suddenly gone from my life and to think they just so easily cut me from their life and didn't miss me at all?!  So hurtful.  That I could so easily be cut from someone's life and not missed at all!

Last night I had dinner with Alice and Corinne.  Alice is one of Parker's ex-girlfriend's mom!  We liked her parents so much we stayed friends with them.  Corinne is a good friend of Alice's.  We went on a girls weekend at the cottage last October and I had a blast!  Alice texted me and said "hey wanna go for dinner at 5:38 pm.  LOL  Like usually I have dinner well underway by that time but as luck would have it I made dinner for everyone else BUT ME.  I was going to have a salad or protein shake.  I had a BIG buffet lunch.  So we went out for dinner.  It was so nice to feel wanted and listened to!  

Anyways, I'm a lucky girl and I'm starting to realize that if people don't want to spend time with me that is THEIR loss.  Sure I lose a little too...but I have a ton to offer and I'm kind and giving and FUCK them if they don't want to spend time with me!  hahahaahahah

Okay I need to end this spaghetti version of my journal entry.  NO focus today.  

Time to do floors, toilets, clean the van and drop off garbage out of my car!

Today is a GREAT day!!

 

So I actually started this post FOUR times...yesterday!  And finally I just gave up and decided I would do it today.  

Today I was notified by RECO that a claim against me (not totally unfounded but a small unintentional mistake) was DISMISSED!!  They said not enough evidence that I breached any duties to my clients!!  YIPPIE!!!!  OMG I started to cry when my broker called me and told me!  

On top of that, this week I was paid back all the money owed to me by Tara and her ex-husband AND my waffle iron was returned in good working order!!!  I was so so happy I made waffles for the kids that night!!  

Yes, I still have hearts hanging from our light from Valentine's Day.  I kinda like them - but now realize they look sort of tacky.  

CHECK OUT THOSE WAFFLES!!!!  

As you can tell, I'm SUPER DUPER happy to have my waffle iron back!!  

And I'm OVER THE MOON happy about the RECO incident being dismissed.  I was seriously considering quitting real estate if it didn't go well.  And it was super fast!!  They said it could take 1-3 months but Heidi said it could take as long as 6 months!  

So back to yesterday morning.  I woke up late.  Not super late, but late enough I couldn't fit my workout into my morning routine.  I immediately went to the day is ruined and I have failed.  

UHM HOLD THE PHONE FOR ONE HOT MINUTE!!!  It's 8 freaking am.  How is the WHOLE day ruined already?  NO.  NO IT IS NOT!!!  

Why do we get ourselves into this mindset that every minute of our day needs to be planned and executed perfectly?!  Or why do I get into that mindset?  My days are RARELY perfect.  And I'm guessing that's true for most of us.  So why am I writing off the whole day at 8 am.  

Same with my year!  It's March.  I've sold 2 homes so far.  And I'm already like, well I don't know where the next one is coming from so I might as well give up.  

STOP THE PRESSES!!!  WTactualF?!  It's MARCH.  Not December 31.  There is a WHOLE long year still out there ahead of us.  So GO AND GET IT.  

There's actually still a full week of March left.  So why the hell are you writing things off before they are done?  

I'm tired lately.  I wake up tired.  I fall in a heap into my bed exhausted at night.  I almost never have the energy that I am hoping for.  But I drag my sorry ass to the gym, or downstairs to do a treadmill or workout and I GET ER DONE.  

So I didn't get a work out in yesterday.  Am I now going to write off the whole week because I didn't work out?  Because I didn't get the steps in that I wanted to?  HELL TO THE NO.  

I'm going to crush a workout later this afternoon.  I'm going to go for lunch and have salad with a friend and I'm going to keep re-focusing to my goals.  

The only way I lose is if I give up and quit.  

And 2023 is the year of Krista.  And Krista2.0 doesn't quit.  

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

 

Today is St. Patricks Day and I did nothing special towards the day.  I'm not Irish and I don't drink and I absolutely HATE the colour green so I guess I'm a bit of a stick in the mud when it comes to St. Paddy's Day.  Not to mention my husband is halfway across the globe for 2 more weeks.  And yes I'm miserable about it.  

I thought initially I would surprise him and book a trip with our youngest out there - but it turns out that it would cost us over $4K to take the trip for ONE WEEK.  And that's literally just the flights.  No hotels or meals in there.  That's a stupid amount of money to spend for a week.  AND a week that Paul won't even spend with us.  He will be working the whole time.  

No thanks.  I'd rather save it to spend in Florida this summer when we go.  

This week I have been struggling hard!  Struggling hard with my mood, my schedule, and just the whole lot of it!  

I hate when Paul is away.  I mean a weekend is fine, but a whole week is brutal.  This will be almost THREE weeks by the time he comes home.  And of course, it all started on March Break!  So I'm home alone with all three kids.  Which, really, is just worrying about Kiefer.  But Kiefer still needs so much from me and lately, I have been finding it overwhelming.  I still make all his meals for him, I help him get dressed, and we schedule activities together (because if I don't he will literally be on his iPad ALL.  DAY.  LONG.)  

March break started off with the family heading to Buffalo to do some shopping.  Somehow, my children have all outgrown their wardrobes.  Kiefer is now in a men's SMALL!  Man, that hurts my wallet more than anything!  He is almost as tall as me!  CRAZY how time flies!

Paul was in a bit of a mood Sunday when we left because I found VAPE pen stuff in both Parker and Blaine's rooms.  We have told the boys that if we find them vaping they will get kicked out.  I'm not supporting that awful habit.  Then I thought I had lice (thank god I don't think I do) and I could not find ONE lice comb in our house.  At one point we had FOUR.  So I was annoyed that someone took the combs and hid them or lost them.  So Paul went out and bought me another one.  I asked him if we should just cancel the whole trip.  We decided to keep our mouths shut and just try and enjoy the trip.  Sunday night was tense - and Monday morning was a bit tense with Blaine as he had a complete meltdown in the middle of a bagel place we went to that we love.  He was getting overwhelmed by everyone talking to him at once and stormed out of the place.  A few times, while shopping, he was getting overwhelmed as well.  I managed him fine while also managing Paul.  We had a nice dinner Sunday night at Olive Garden - Paul and my favorite restaurant down there.  Monday night we had a nice dinner at Scotch and Sirloin - a very old-timey steak house.  The food was really good.  The boys quite enjoyed it and we all had a good time.  

Then Tuesday we drove home and on the way home we dropped Paul off at the airport.  sigh.  

It's not as hard managing the kids while Paul is gone.  It's not about the kids really.  I find I can manage them better sometimes without him here.  There's ONE adult so what I say goes.  There are no conflicting messages or miscommunication.  

I'm tired.  It's almost 8 pm and I wanna go to bed.  Every night I'm tired.  I haven't been consistent with my working out and I'm kicking myself for it.  I feel like shit every day.  I sleep in.  I am not working towards my goals.  I do not feel like Krista2.0.  I feel like old lazy Krista.  

I need to get my butt in gear and get on it all.  It's so hard!  To keep on top of everything and stay motivated!  

Okay this is one more 'to do' off my list.  I didn't journal last week because....who the hell knows why!  

So now I need to get my workout gear on and just do it!  It's an easy one.  Only because I missed yesterday and am moving everything forward a day.  So I lose my Sunday rest day!  WAH!  

I'm in VEGAS BABY!!!

 

I am in amazing Las Vegas on the annual R4 (Re/Max Convention).  I am learning a TON and getting very pumped up for my business in 2023.  

My first initial reaction is, "how am I going to have an awesome year?  I've only done 2 deals and it's already March..."  Am I actually serious right now?  I'm wanting to give up the WHOLE year because it's only two months in and I'm not where I want to be?  And if I truly think about it, I'm EXACTLY where I want to be.  I said it would be great to do one transaction per month this year.  And we are literally on March 1.  I did two transactions and we have JUST hit month three...and I'm wanting to throw in the towel already?!  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!  

I am here with my amazing broker, who besides being an amazing human being, is an amazing realtor.  And she is willing to teach and guide and mentor as much as I want her to.  She has very little time - but guess what? Who has LOADS of time?  Homeless people.  And unemployed people.  (And sometimes not even them!)  

So what do I have to do to get all this knowledge and mentorship?  LITERALLY, just show up to the office.  Uhm, WHAT?  Pay money?  Zilch.  Exchange of goods?  Nope.  Referral fees?  Nadda.  

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?  Ah, this is a question I've asked before!  

2023 is the year of Krista.  I declared it at the end of last year.  It's the year I'm focusing on myself.  Healing old wounds, growing myself as a person (well getting smaller really - trying to lose weight I've put on over the years of drowning my anxieties and old traumas with alcohol and food), and focusing on my business.  

I've realized while I'm here that I can't ignore my family either.  I say that 2023 is the year of Krista but in true reality, (I'm just thinking of this now as I'm typing) I want 2023 to be the year of The Birkbecks.  I want ALL of us to be happy.  

I heard someone say yesterday, "you are only as happy as your saddest kid" and that really hit home for me.  Last year was a lot of stress with our boys and their mental health - and it really had an effect on Paul and I as well.  

I need to be the driving force in our family to guide us ALL to have an amazing year. I need to project manage my family!  I need to get everyone on a schedule, I need to get them outside and exercising, and I need to help them manage their goals and where they want to go in life.  Teach them accountability and make them help me be accountable as well!  

I think I will have a goal-setting session with the family when I get home.  We will talk about various facets of their lives and where they want to be at the end of the year. I do not live my life in a vacuum and while I want to make 2023 MY year, I can't do that without my family.  They have to be a part of the plan.  They have to be a part of what is driving me, and driving them! How can I be happy, if they are miserable?!

The truth is, I can't!  I won't be able to focus truly on my business or my own mental health if the world around me is falling apart!  And if I could - how selfish would that be?  And I WANT us all to succeed!  

Okay, I have my mandate for 2023.  The year of The Birkbecks.  

Time to fly into my act.  Time to ROCK and ROLL.