My Messy Mind

There were so many good images for this one, I had difficulty narrowing it down to just three.  It feels like my mind is racing all the time.  I literally flop into bed at night exhausted and happy just to give my mind a rest.  I fall asleep making mental lists in my mind of what I need to do, what I need to bring up to the trailer, the groceries we need, what real estate work needs to be done, what chores around the house are behind, what friends I need to reach out to, did I drink enough water today?  I never drink enough water.  Am I showing Paul enough affection, do the kids need me more, should I be saving more money for a rainy day, how am I ever going to get more clients and grow my business.  

And this isn't just at bedtime.  (A fly just flew in front of my face and I thought "I need to buy fly strips again") It's ALL.  DAY.  LONG.  And it's exhausting.  I wish I could just focus on ONE task at a time and not have my mind going crazy all day long.  I start a job and then get distracted along the way by something else that needs doing, and start doing that, and then while I'm doing that, get distracted by something else that needs doing and the cycle continues until I happen upon my original task and scold myself for being so disorganized.  

My new planner has been good at helping me stay organized but even while doing this post, I've been distracted several times!  I checked on the sprinkler system to see which station is what, I've opened another tab and checked my email, I've gone to my social media manager and approved posts for June, and looked at my planner (thinking my planner has helped so much) and realized I do not have enough time in the day to finish all that I have scheduled for today.  And I just added a dentist appointment for Kiefer at 5:00 pm.  O.  M.  G.  What is wrong with me?!  How do I quiet the mind?!  (I really need to buy an electric fly swatter)  

(Check email, reschedule therapy appointment for when we are away, run outside and check on station #3 get wet, come back inside back to this post)

See what I ...(look at birds in my bird feeder on the window)...mean?! 

Think about fly swatter again as fly buzzes in the window, check Facebook, wonder if the stove is cool enough to clean the kitchen, wonder if I should go up to the trailer and check on the fridge in the shed, make the bed.  NO!!  I have NO TIME!  Remember THAT Krista?!  

While lying in bed the other day, I actually thought of an awesome journal entry that I remember wanting to explore.  Thinking that there was a lot up in my head I wanted to get out about the subject...except now it's flooded with other thoughts and mess.  

I have been sick this past week so nothing got done at all really.  I did manage to prep some freezer meals and we will be enjoying the first one tonight!  Honey sesame chicken!  We will see how it goes.  (Damn fly) 

Okay that's enough of my messy mind for today.  I have to get to laundry, clean the kitchen, do some real estate work, go for a walk, DRINK WATER, (haven't had a sip yet) and generally keep the house going.  How anyone does all of this with a 9-5 job I have NO idea. 

Cheers,

~K

 

Go with your gut...ALWAYS

 

And I know this.  I KNOW this.  It's been proven to me time and time again.  Yet, I want to trust and believe in people so I do.  

Blaine wants a gaming laptop.  We didn't know he wanted a gaming laptop so I found one on Facebook Marketplace and bought it.  It's a great laptop.  But it's not a gaming laptop.  So needless to say, it doesn't work for what he wants.  

So back to Marketplace to find a gaming laptop.  I found one that seemed too good to be true.  *first gut feel.  It was a $900 laptop that was selling for $400.  The owner said that her son locked it and he couldn't remember the password so it needed to be factory reset.  *second gut feel.  If it's locked you can't verify it's really what she says it is.  I met with her and asked her point blank if this really is what she says it is.  I said I have already been scammed and I can't afford to be scammed again.  She looked me in the face and promised me it was exactly what she said it was.  She even told me I could go down the street and get it fixed for FREE.  I asked her if that was the case, why didn't she do it?  Oh I don't drive she said.  It's within walking distance I replied.  No answer.  *THIRD gut feel.  Never mind the gut feel when I met her - and I hate to be stereotypical here - but she lived in Ontario housing and looked ROUGH.  She didn't look like she had two farts to rub to her name - but she also didn't seem that intelligent either so maybe she really didn't know about this computer.  

Anyways, bought the damn thing, and brought it to the store to get fixed.  It was not free (I didn't think it would be) and it was fixed within an hour.  IT WAS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO WHAT SHE SAID IT WAS.  It didn't even connect to the internet!!  I contacted her immediately and asked her to call me.  She called me (surprised she did this - knowing she scammed me) and I asked for my money back.  She refused saying it's exactly what she said it was, an HP Pavillion Laptop.  Obviously, when someone is buying a laptop they want the specs.  Not just the name brand!  

I asked her when she was going to be home and she said she was at the hospital having a procedure done.  I told her I wasn't happy and wanted my money back.  She said, "the laptop is exactly what the ad says!  It's an HP Pavillion. Sold as is.  Take care" 

I was BEYOND PISSED. 😡 She scammed me.  Even after I told her it was for my son and I had already been scammed!!  I told Blaine I was going to her house and going to demand my money back.  She lived in an Ontario housing apartment and I was prepared to knock on every door until I found her!  I knocked on one door and asked if they knew where my friend Amanda Lynn lived and she did!  One door down!  Knocked on that door and guess what?!  She answered!!  (Even though she doesn't drive and was at the hospital only 15 minutes earlier having an ultrasound!)

I told her I wanted my money back.  She yelled at me and said, "You'll have to wait!" I told her I wasn't leaving until she gave me my money back.  She screamed and yelled at me to get out of her unit.  I told her I wasn't going ANYWHERE until she gave me my money back.  She said I'm calling the police.  And I said, "Good!!!  Get them here so we can't sort this out!"  So she left her unit, at which point the building manager came by and told me I had to leave the building.  I told her nicely that I wasn't going anywhere and I would wait for the police to sort the whole matter out.  I had one foot in her unit and I stepped out into the hallway.  

I was shaking in my boots.  I wasn't completely certain that I wasn't going to get arrested.  The police did come and took her story and then they came inside and took mine.  They went back and forth a couple of times and then said they were going to try and do an exchange.  I was doubtful but VERY hopeful that I was going to get my money back.  I pleaded with the police that I needed the money as my son needed a computer and needed to do his exams at the end of his semester and he wouldn't be able to do that if I didn't get my money back.  I even started to cry - waterworks always help.  I was feeling very trapped and frustrated so it didn't take much for them to come on.  

The police asked us to return to our car and took the laptop, and would do the exchange.  Blaine and I went out to our van and as we sat we saw one officer trade money for the laptop with the other.  I was ELATED!!! 

What an ordeal to go through!!!  I just can't comprehend why and how someone scams another human being out of their hard-earned money.  Like I said before, she looked very poor and uneducated but to lie again and again to scam someone out of their money.  To lie to their face.  To scream at them that they are in the right when they KNOW they are in the wrong! 

What in the actual fuck is wrong with the world today?!  

I am beyond relieved that I got the money back.  We can ill afford to be scammed out of $400 right now.  I know it's not a lot but it is for us right now.  

Moral of the story: GO WITH YOUR GUT ALWAYS.  

Oh, and don't cross me because I'm a bad bitch that doesn't let that shit happen!  

Making a change

 

When searching for a "change" graphic, I saw this one and immediately liked it.  Because making a change is taking a chance.  But, I do strongly believe, it's taking a chance on yourself.  

I've reinvented myself twice now.  Once as a project manager and another time as a real estate agent.  I have loved both jobs for different reasons.  I have won awards being a project manager and an award being a real estate agent.  I have made lifelong friends in both professions and learned a ton from my colleagues.  

But that pull is happening again, and my heart is telling me it's time to make another change.  BUT WHAT?!  Do I go back to what I know with Agile project management, or do I reinvent myself yet again with something new?  And if it's something new, WHAT is that new thing?

I am extremely lucky in that I have a husband that will support me no matter what I do.  If I want to go back to school, he will support that.  If I want to return to project management, he will support that.  It's figuring out the what that has me all kerfuffled.  

I love having the flexibility in my schedule that real estate provides, but I don't love the 'no paycheque' that seems to happen more often than not.  I HATE having to sell myself - door knocking, or doing seminars for rental properties - makes me sick to my stomach.  But when I get a referral from a friend, and I can come in and talk about my services and rental properties, my eyes light up and I'm excited to work for people.  So if people could just give me a call, and I didn't have to do any prospecting at all - my job would be GREAT!  

I'm nervous about getting into a job that has me working 9-5 because I feel like my family and the house need me so much during the day.  Grocery shopping, running errands, cooking and cleaning, managing the kids and their appointments, managing the school schedules and lunches and milk orders and all the such - how am I going to manage that all AND work a full day?!  EVERY day!  It just seems like things will start to fall through the cracks.  

On top of that, I already can't believe that I have a son graduating HIGH SCHOOL and another graduating elementary school.  I won't have any kids in elementary school after June!  That's CRAZY!!!  I feel like they should still be babies!  

I need and want to have something that is all mine and I just don't feel like real estate is it.  But the issue is I don't know WHAT is!  

I need to take a chance on me!  But what is that chance?!  UGH.  I wish someone could just tell me.  

I'm going to take a career test right now and see what it says.  

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Happy

 

"Happiness is a state of mind.  It's just according to the way you look at things." ~Walt Disney

"You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness" ~Jonathan Safran Foer

"It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy." ~Lucille Ball

I got the most wonderful compliment today but it wasn't even meant as one.  I quickly stopped off at home to pick up something I had forgotten and found my husband in bed.  I gave him a quick kiss, explained why I was home and was just about to leave when he said, "Why are you so happy?  You have a big smile on your face"  He then said, "What?  I get upset and you get happy?"  

So it wasn't meant as a compliment - but I've been working really hard on my mental health lately.  Going to therapy diligently every other week, journalling, working on textbook time, meditating every day (I just had a 12-day streak going but missed a day and lost it!)  I've also been focusing on my gratitude journal and finding things to be thankful for each and every day.  Even if it's the RAIN!  😄

I am focusing on making myself better and letting all the other stuff go.  I can't control other people.  I can't control what their lives will look like.  What their relationships are like.  I just can't.  So why stress about it?  I mean, MUCH easier said than done.  

I've had very down days.  Days where I didn't think I could get out of bed, much less work or complete a long 'to do' list.  I've had frustrated and angry days.  I've had days where I wasn't sure I would find my groove or happiness ever again.  Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying I'm 'cured' here.  FAR from it.  I don't know what my groove is, I don't know what I'm doing for work and I am still working on implementing boundaries!  

But for my husband to catch me with a full-on smile on my face - WOW!!  I feel like I'm really making some progress!  It's difficult when you work on something diligently and consistently for so long and there are no real measurable results.  I feel more at peace.  I feel happier.  I feel like I have more tools in my toolbox to deal with the stress or frustrations.  Mental health is a very difficult thing to measure.  

But for my husband to catch me in a full-on smile so much so that he asked me, "Why are you so happy?" made my day.  Made my week!  Despite the fact that I'm sitting here looking at my planner and all the things I know I have to do to 'catch up' and get ready for my weekend away.  

Happy.  Today I reached level happy.  

Honestly, I couldn't be 'happier' about it.  

😁