Over-Emphasizing

 

Half your problems are just your mind making minor things seem like major things.

What are you over-emphasizing right now?

 

Real Estate Success

 

I want to be a success in real estate.  I had no idea attracting clients would be this hard.  Competing with the big names is almost impossible!  People see Peggy Hill's name or Mark Faris and they just assume since they are everywhere, they must be good and go with them.  

And I don't doubt they are good.  Mark Faris puts out an amazing book (it's literally a book) at each house he lists.  His marketing budget must be off the charts!  Peggy Hill is just everywhere.  Literally everywhere.  One of our community centers has her name on the front of it.  (Just a small half a mil donation will get you that honour) 

I have been door-knocking with a partner from the office.  We are doing our own thing but so far - no leads!  I thought I had one - but I emailed the guy and got nothing back.  :(  Okay I just emailed him again but I doubt this is a solid lead.  

So I will keep door-knocking and doing what Heidi tells us to do.  I NEED to start making money in this business.    I keep wishing I had tried harder earlier.  But I can't go back and redo the past.  I can only move forward.  

So I will show up tonight with a happy face and show a house that I know my client can't buy!  UGH!!  I know she wants things to move along but I don't think they are going to!  I think they might end up letting this seller go and selling their house for less than it is now.  And I could have sold it faster and for the same price.  Whatever!  If I'm honest, I don't know that so I just have to be patient.  And in the meantime, get a move on the things that I know I should be doing.  

Okay gotta get ready to show some homes! 

PEACE!

Friday

 

Well it's Friday and I have a shit ton to to. 

Market for icing and cookies.

Therapy in Orillia 

Door knocking in Alliston

Dinner and show in Mississauga.

So that's it.  That's all I have time for. 

Peace out. 

Getting it done!!

So this is what I felt like today!  A total badass supermom.  I woke up early and drove Paul to the Go Train.  Then I got up and got Kiefer to school.  (Albeit a bit late but still before 8:30 am).  Blaine even helped me get his breakfast ready which really put me in a good mood.  Then I logged into our office meeting and was even used as an example a couple of times!  (Yay me!)  Then I cleaned out our garage and got the Corvette inside.  I had to move 8 tires and stacked them all up.  THAT was a good workout.  Double duty!!  

Then I did some laundry, made our bed, cleaned the kitchen, and cleaned out the drawers in my office.  Cleaned off half of my desk.  Posted two items on the Facebook marketplace to get them out of our house.  

Drove Kiefer to wrestling club, took all the garbage from the garage to the dumpster, did a showing for work, came home and now am doing my journalling and about to start dinner which I took out of the freezer today at lunch.  OH, and I called my mom and talked to her for an hour.  

I also squeezed in a little lie down at one point because, FUCK, I earned it! 

Just have to finish some laundry and put it all away, clean up Kiefer's room (so I can put it away) help him shower and it will be a full day done!  

I love days like this where I can stay focused and get my shit done.  I am usually so overwhelmed that I sit and stagnant in my own misery.  

So on that note, let me get my shit done and go make dinner.  
 

The Older Brother...

 

This is what I remember of my older brother.  Always teasing me.  Never protecting me.  In fact, my first week of grade 9 I had so many strangers coming up to me to tell me how weird my older brother was.  That he ate his own boogers in class.  GREAT.  Like it doesn't already hurt that I'm in grade 9.  Now I have a loser older brother's reputation to deal with too.  

I've been dreaming about him lately.  Or nighmaring.  If I could stick a fork into my brain and kill any and all memories I have of him I would.  There isn't one that comes to mind that is heartwarming or kind or nostalgic in ANY way.  

Once we stopped for ice cream as a family and I too eagerly was licking my ice cream.  The whole thing fell off the cone onto the ground.  Of course, I was NOT getting another one.  So I started to cry.  My brother, (I refuse to utter his name or even type it) started to laugh and then continued to exaggerate his licking his ice cream cone right in front of me.  Like WHAT AN ASS!  If one of my boys did that, they would lose their ice cream cone right then and there to the younger sibling.  But I would have refused.  Or thrown his on the ground too.  ASSHOLE.  

He's always been an asshole.  And always needed "help".  But that doesn't excuse what he did to me.  My whole trust system was built on an experience of the only two older men in my home taking advantage of me.  Think about that for a second.  How was I taught to trust men?  How was I taught how to be treated by a man?  The people who influence you the most are those who you are exposed to on a regular basis growing up, right?  Well, the men in my life sucked.  

I love my father.  I think he is a good man.  But he has some SERIOUS demons that ended up fucking me up pretty damn bad.  I believe he has tried to atone for his sins and do better.  My brother is just fucked up and thinks everyone else is to blame.  That's why he left the family.  I mean GOOD RIDDENS!!!  I wouldn't have a thing to do with him if he were still a part of the family.  Thank GOD for small miracles.  

Thanks to my mother, Kiefer now knows about my older brother.  And his name.  Oh yippy!  And he wants to meet him.  I try to explain to him what a horrible person he is.  And that Daddy hasn't even met him.  That my job is to protect him and that there is NO WAY I'm ever letting him meet him as he hurt me very badly as a child.  But Kiefer is pure love and innocence and sees no way that someone related to me could possibly want to hurt him.  

sigh.

I thought I was over what he did to me.  But clearly working on this therapy and digging into the past is bringing up a lot of shit for me.  A LOT OF SHIT.  

Paul has been super supportive but he wants me to get a full-time job.  I don't think he realizes just how much I do around here.  And how things are barely holding on right now as it is!  

Or maybe I'm afraid of how barely holding on I am.  

I'm angry about the life that was stolen from me.  A life where a little girl has a protective older brother.  A life where a little girl doesn't feel awkward dancing with her father at a wedding because she is SURE that everyone will figure out what's going on if they dance close to one another.  

A life where she felt FREE to express herself and open to be who she really was.  Instead, she was shy and scared and bit her nails and tried to be a tomboy because then maybe I wouldn't be as desirable.  

I wonder what kind of confident assured successful person I would be today if I wasn't so broken when I went to University.  

Ya so I guess that's the unresolved bit.  I'm still angry.  

But I'm working on me.  I am working on healing that little girl inside me and letting her know that she CAN be free.  She CAN be confident.  

Because no one is going to hurt her again.  I won't let that happen.

💜