It's been 3 years and it still hurts like it's been 3 minutes...

Three years ago today I recieved a phone call from my husbands best friend Rick.  Rick's voice was shakey and he was clearly upset. 

"She's not going to make it through the night" he stammered. 

"What?!" I blasted back, as if he were accusing ME of something. 

"The doctors say her organs are shutting down and we don't have much longer"

"Oh my God," I sigh, "Are you okay?"

I did NOT just say that.  Not my brightest shining moment, I admit.

"NO I'm not OKAY," Rick naturally blasts back, "My wife is DYING."

Okay I need to get a hold of my BRAIN, slap it around a bit for taking a break at such a critical time, and get a hold of this situation.

"Rick, I'm calling Paul and we're coming down there.  We'll be there in a couple of hours."

I called Paul at work, he left work immediately.  I then called my sister to get her to come over and watch the boys so we could be with Rick in his time of need. 

We raced down to the hospital, just over an hour drive away.  We arrived at the ICU and called the room.  No answer.  We got a hold of a nurse and she said no one was around.  We waited in the waiting room for a bit, and then Rick walked in, tear stained face. 

"We lost her about an hour ago."

We were too late.  Selfishly, my first thought was, I'm too late.  I never got to say my final good bye. 

We stayed with Rick for the rest of the afternoon and went back to his place.  The house looked the exact same.  Pictures of the family gracing the fridge, drawings their 4 year old son Nathan had drawn proudly hanging on the walls.  But it was cold.  That warm loving house was so cold for the first time. 

Nola was gone.  And she wasn't ever coming back. 

Nola and I were "big things" friends.  We were always there for each other for the big things.  She and Rick came to Nassau for our wedding.  We attended their surprise wedding/baby shower.  We all celebrated when Nola's brother visiting from Yokoslavia to donate bone marrow.  We were always there for the big things.  Rick and Paul played hockey together and often we would coordinate when we could make a game together so the kids could play and we could catch up.  I loved getting hand me downs from Nola of Nathan's for Parker.  But probably the BIGGEST thing was I loved Nola for her mothering.  She was a PERFECT mother to Nathan.  And she always had the best advice.  And never in a judgemental way.  Not at all.  It was as if she thought she was just muddling along like the rest of us, when really she looked like a professional!

All of the sudden that was gone.  My friend was gone. 

And now, 3 years later my friend is still gone.  And although I wish I had more time with her, I wish I could have gotten the chance to be even closer friends with her, she is STILL GONE. 

And today, like every February 25th, I'm sad.  Really really sad. 

We lost one of the good ones. 

The world lost Nola.

I love you Nola.  And I miss you so much.

I fall for it EVERY freaking time!!!

I'm a late night snacker.  So much laundry, cleaning, blogging, photo archiving etc needs to be done late at night after the kids are in bed, and I inevitably get the munchies. 

Well there is ONE munchie trick that I fall for EVERY freaking time.  Getting tired of the 'same old' stuff at the front of the pantry, I dig to the back to see what's hiding in there.  Out I pull a good ole' favorite, right?

I mean, look at that icing, and the pies de resistance: the FILLING!  I mean it looks like you are going to bite into a big mess of gooey strawberry doesn't it?!

TRY AGAIN.  What the hell is that?!?!  I can barely TASTE the imitation strawberry sandwiched between the cardboard tasting pastry pocket!  And another 200 calories WASTED on yucky. 

Black eye - day 1 and 2

So my ever so lovely yet not so bright step son, of 14 years, decided he would 'forget' to leave the gate OPEN to our basement stairs.  One of my girlfriends put it perfectly. 

"It's frustrating when the older ones can't see around 'themselves' to be responsible"

She hit the nail on the head.  That is EXACTLY where we are at with our lovely TEENAGER.  I'm too young to have a teenager - mostly because I'm too young to have WRINKLES!!

Anyways, gate open - back to my story.  Baby, of course, fell down the stairs.  I, of course, FREAKED out on step son's head and scooped baby up to make sure all bones and teeth were intact.  I'm thankful to have been friends with a pediatric nurse from sick kids.  I will never forget her saying to me, "oh we don't worry as much about the ones that are SCREAMING, as much as we worry about the ones that are placid and silent".  Well in that case, I have NOTHING to worry about.  He was SCREAMING, but for everything that I could see, he was going to be fine.

Day one after the fall:

Notice the big freaking GRIN on his face?!  It happened in the morning on Monday and by the afternoon, after nap, he was all grins again.  This picture was taken Tuesday morning.  The swelling went up quite a bit over night, and I was a bit taken aback with the colour darkening up so much.

Well, day two came with more surprises:



This picture doesn't even do justice to the DARK purple colour that is now under his eye.  Also, the scrape on the side of his eye is now a full blown hard scab.  He was rubbing at it today and I was worried he would rub it off!! :(  But again, all giggles and smiles today.  He has no idea why everyone is looking at him and smiling, but he is EATING up the attention.  I'm thinking we're going to see more yellow tomorrow - but at least that is a sign of the blood turning old and healing right? 

Stay tuned for black eye updates. 

Vote for my baby!!

Many of my blog readers come directly from my facebook friends so saying this is redundant, but I have entered Kiefer into a baby contest.  It's run by Johnson's company (think baby soap) and as soon as I saw it I knew the PERFECT picture that would do for the contest. 

Here is the photo that I entered into the contest.  Doesn't he just LOOK like a Johnson's & Johnson's baby?!  :o) 

At any rate, if you haven't seen the link on my page, we'd appreciate any votes you would throw our way.  You can vote for Kiefer at the following link (if you are on facebook):

http://apps.facebook.com/johnsonsbabycanada/entry/119683

Right now the voting widget (did I use appropriate developer lingo?  What being married to one for 7 years does for ya!) seems to be broken but hopefully they'll fix it soon, so please keep trying!!

Thanks for the love!!  Love back atcha!

What mental disorder EXACTLY do I have??

I'm a perfectionist.  I always have been.  Ask my mom.  I was not a typical teenager that had a messy room.  (Okay I hated making my bed but that was it!)  My shelves were always very organized and my closet, or should I say, MY HALF of the closet was always the same.  I like things in their place.  I like order.  Of my friends, I was always the 'Monica'.  I could whip up a pie or lasagna on a moments notice, and my place was always neat.  And I would always drive my roomates nuts about the "cleaning schedule".  (Sorry guys!  Love you!)

Now if you ask me, I don't REALLY think I'm a perfectionist.  Things should just be put away.  I mean when you go to look at a model home, the counters are not sprinkled with flour, toys are not strewn about and the beds do not boast the 'tossled' look.  A home stager never comes over and says to you, "well you've got a nice place here, but let's mess it up a bit and make it look more lived in".  Why is that?  We KNOW people live in the houses we look at. 

Because it LOOKS GOOD.  We're not all perfectionists - it just looks good.  It looks right. 

I have let go A LOT of these perfectionist ways since having kids.  Before kids, the house would have to be clean and floors vacuumed before I went out.  And if someone was going to come over - well then a once over was definately in order.  Well, any of you who know me now, know FULL well that on any given day you can find a tumbleweed of dog hair, an innumerable amount of toys showered over the house, and dirty dishes akin to the leaning tower of Pisa.

It still DRIVES ME MENTAL.  So many of my friends tease my OCD ways.  So in a joking manner I posted something on facebook today about my OCD, and one of my girlfriends in response said it sounds more like I've got schizophrenia.  Well that got me thinking.  Do I even know the definition of any of those terms?  Perfectionism?  Obsessive compulsive disorder?  Schizophrenia?

So here's where reading my blog makes you smarter!  In a coles notes kind of a way:

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a condition characterized by persistent thoughts, images or impulses, known as "obsessions," that intrude into a person's mind and persist or get stuck.

Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that makes it difficult to tell the difference between real and unreal experiences, to think logically, to have normal emotional responses, and to behave normally in social situations

Perfectionism:  Hamachek describes two types of perfectionism. Normal perfectionists "derive a very real sense of pleasure from the labours of a painstaking effort" while neurotic perfectionists are "unable to feel satisfaction because in their own eyes they never seem to do things [well] enough to warrant that feeling of satisfaction". Burns defines perfectionists as "people who strain compulsively and unremittingly toward impossible goals and who measure their own worth entirely in terms of productivity and accomplishment".

So in a very satisfying, real way, I am back to being just a plain old perfectionist.  But really, I think I just like CLEAN! 

:P

Queen's Alumni!

So I'm shopping in Costco the other day and I see a guy walking down the aisle with a QUEEN's jacket on!  For those of you who don't know or have never seen one, they look approximately like this:

When I was going to Queen's I REALLY wanted one of these jackets, but at over $400 a pop, that was one months rent, and it just wasn't going to happen.  Then, I ended up transfering to U of T so it just wasn't in the cards. 

ANYWAYS, back to my story, so I see this guy walking down the aisle in one of these jackets and I think to myself, "oh I should totally say 'hi', tell him I used to go to Queen's, ask him if some of the old bars I went to are still around."  Just as I change my direction towards the guy, he turns and reveals his OTHER arm band, revealing his grad YEAR on his jacket. 

'14.  As in 2014.  As in 14 years LATER than I would have graduated Queen's.  Yes that's right I was class of '00. 

WTF?!

Needless to say I thank God he didn't see the "hey do I know you?" look on my face before I could beeline it to the checkout.

'14.  14 freaking years younger than me. 

Man.  I'm old. 

Happy Valentines Day

Just a few images from our Valentines day around the house!  :o)

And as a new FYI, I made another batch of egg free cupcakes and this time, the recipe called for BANANAS!  :o)  1 banana = 1 egg.  And they taste REALLY good.  Just another tid bit of info that might help someone along the way!  

Microwaveable Salt dough Cookies

Okay I'm a bit delayed on getting this one up here, but tomorrow we are going to do a bunch of HEARTS with this recipe!  It can be used for just about ANY holiday.  And when you can MICROWAVE them in about 2-3 minutes, you have NO excuse to not get down and dirty and do some crafts with the kids!!

SALT DOUGH COOKIES

• 4 cups of flour
• 1 cup salt
• 1 1/2 cups of hot water

*** Recipe can EASILY be halfed to make quite a few decorations ***

Using a microwave-safe plate (not paper or cardboard), microwave a plate of your ornaments for 1 to 4 minutes, increasing the time by 1 minute increments and keeping a close eye on the microwave as the ornaments bake. Microwave power levels differ, so use high power in a less-powerful oven, but lower if your oven heats things very quickly. You don't want to risk a fire! Let ornaments cool completely before decorating.

Here's our sample of Christmas ones:

"...they don't want to hear anything stinky!"

Blaine said something really funny today.

He was asking for help with putting on his doctor uniform - he was having trouble with the face mask.  He told my girlfriend Cari that doctors really needed to wear the face mask because, "they don't want to hear anything really stinky!"

Cari reassured him saying, "Yup Blaine that's EXACTLY why they wear them!"  LOL

3 hours off

Just got back from Kelowna BC visiting family.  It was awesome.  Mona (Paul's step mom) is an amazing woman who I admire a lot.  Paul's Dad is a tradional guy, and the kids adore him.  :)

Now my only issue is getting back on track time wise.  I mean, as a mother of 4 boys I was pretty much tired all the time anyways, but now we have this 3 hour time difference to deal with as well!  Getting up this morning at 7:30 really means to our bodies it was 4:30!  So we got up at 9 instead. 

Boy it makes for a long day.  Quick early dinner, swim lessons and then I think we'll ALL be ready for bed.  Trip synopsis soon.  When I catch up on sleep!!