Feeling Festive

This is our tree this year.  There are already presents under the tree.  Parker has done most of his shopping and even wrapped them!  I'll start wrapping in the coming days.  

We finally got the tree up and decorated.  I like to do it earlier in December because December 26th...that thing comes down!  I do love having the Christmas decorations up, however, I also like everything in it's place and with the tree up almost NOTHING in the family room is in it's proper place.  LOL  It's the OCD in me.  I haven't gotten any other decorations up yet.  But I'll do those this afternoon.  And some holiday baking.  I'll do shortbread for the cookie gift exchange.  

I just love how tacking and mismanaged this tree looks.  I always long for a stylized tree with a theme but I love all our sentimental decorations and the memories we go through each year when the tree is decorated.  I loved how Parker would explain what a certain decoration was from or what it meant to him.  It touches my heart that the kids love the same things that I do about Christmas.  

I love this time of year, but I'm also very aware of what's around the corner.  January and February are incredibly hard months for me.  They always have been.  I'd like to think that will eventually change but I've come to accept it for what it is and brace myself for the inevitable.  

I am most consistent with my medication in January and February, and I try to focus on getting outside when the weather cooperates and keep checking my own list of joyful activities I can do to keep my mind from going to the dark places it's likes to go to in those months.  I feel like I must have been a hibernating animal in a past life.  Because winter and I are just NOT friends.  I've tried.  I've bought the warm boots, the warm coats, the hats and mitts and the whole bit.  But I just cannot feel warm and happy in the winter.  

So for now, I'm focusing on being festive, getting my shit done.  Meeting Kathy and Linda for tea this afternoon, then I'm finishing our budget and getting dinner done. Then after dinner making shortbread!  Play the music loud baby!

 

A little downtown break

 I hate Paul's work.  Mostly I hate his boss.  But we are staying downtown TO tonight on TD's bill since there is a big deployment and Paul needs to be right downtown for it.  Our hotel room overlooks the CN tower and all the city lights!  It's so cool.  

Last night I went down to the lobby in my pj's to pick up our Skip the Dishes order.  Salad King!  And they deliver!  OMG, it was sooooo good.  So good in fact, I finished Paul's dinner as well as my own!  Oh lord, some things about the city I miss so much.  But we don't need a car since we are right downtown.  If you wanna drive anywhere, it's a literal hell hole.  

I walked along Queen Street today past Spadina.  Over 6,000 steps!  I got some fabric and was delightfully surprised by how clean the streets were.  Not a single piece of trash.  And the stores have gotten a lot nicer since I shopped there.  

I did find some flannel for Paul's pj's for Christmas.  This week I have to be like a little elf making and creating a whole lot!!  

Okay back home.  

Paul hates his boss...therefore hates work

 

Paul has been having a rough time at work lately.  In his first year working for the bank, he has had three bosses.  Yup, you read that right, three in one year.  The first one hired Paul knowing he was going to quit.  Then the replacement he hired for himself, ended up quitting.  And now he has some jackhole who's been at the bank for eons and is KNOWN to be an asshat is his boss.  And he's not going anywhere.  

To add insult to injury, despite winning project of the year, and being on one of the most important and biggest projects of the year, despite getting little to no direction from any of his bosses, despite getting NO training even though they knew when they hired him he had no trading knowledge, my hubby gets a review that would make you cry.  STANDARD.  He got a freaking S.  WTF is the letters that come to my mind!  

Flying all over the globe whenever they asked him.  Working all hours of the day and night including weekends.  And he gets a freaking S and then a pay cut?!  Works stat holidays and told it's an expectation of those who are 'executives'.  FUUUUCK THEM!!!!!  

I've never hated anyone I've never met before.  But I hate Paul's boss.  I'm even nervous about typing and posting any of this since I think there may be a slim chance he scours the internet looking for ways to get rid of Paul.  

And to make matters even worse, I'm making literally NO money.  I'm going to have to start applying for jobs.  My real estate career is costing us money and that's not cool.  

I've taken over the cinnamon roll booth and things are going well.  I'm paying myself $100 a weekend every time I work and putting it in an envelope in our safe.  Paul doesn't even know.  I just have this sneaking suspicion we are going to need the money at some point.  So I'm shoving as much away as I can.  And make a ton of returns.  As well as just trying to spend less.  

But it doesn't seem to help.  

I'm doing everything that Heidi is telling me to do.  Door knocking consistently.  I hosted photos with Santa in the park - that was a lot of fun.  Paul LOVED being Santa.  LOL  

How do I get my real estate business off the ground?!  UGH.  I hate this feeling.  

I need to door-knock every freaking day.  Every other day in Alliston with Craig and pick and area here in Barrie to do on the off days.  Winter.  I freaking hate winter and now I'm going to be out in the weather every freaking day.  

I just want to make enough money to pay off our debts and pay off the mortgage (approx $200,000) and then keep making money so that Paul can feel like he can retire and we will be okay.  

I want so badly to give him that.  He's supported me in everything that I have done.  Even when it was not well thought out and stupid.  LOL  A baby blanket booth at Kempenfest.  What was I thinking?!  hahahahahahaha

I just didn't realize how much I would feel the pain too.  I hate Paul being in this situation.  

It's almost 8:00 pm.  Paul's watching TV with Kiefer.  The Simpsons.  I couldn't hate a show more.  But I can hear Paul giggling in the next room.  I know he's high - but it's still good to hear him giggle. 

I need to get my ass in gear with Christmas cards.  I will take photos tomorrow morning.  Do the driving and make sure I have them all.  Marketing should have something to me by end of the week and then I can have them mailed out by end of next week.  A bit later than I was hoping but I will get on it! 

SHIT and my newsletter too! I'll send it with the cards! 😀

Okay now to do some chores - laundry and bathrooms and floors and my planner...ugh I need more hours in the day! 

Peace out world.  ☮

Putting it out there: I'd like a job that I don't hate, making good money, flexible with my family time, a great boss, preferably something in nonprofit.  Something to do with kids or moms would be cool.  Can someone just drop that in my lap please?  Putting it out there in the world!