It's SUMMER!!!

 

Today is the last day of school for Kiefer.  He graduated grade 8 last night and looked so darn proud of himself.  

I wanted him to win an award so badly!  The spirit award or something.  Kiefer brings people together.  It seems like the entire grade 8 class looks out for Kiefer.  There isn't anyone I know of who doesn't like him.  

We went for a walk a couple of weeks ago and it was the day after the high school tour.  As we were walking down the street a group of 4-5 high school kids were walking towards us.  They looked like large strong boys and as we approached, I questioned whether or not I should be nervous.  As soon as we were within earshot, a smile grew across the face of one of the boys and he called out, "HI KIEFER!"   I had NO idea who this kid was.  Kiefer said hi back and after we had passed each other, I asked Kiefer, "Who was that?"  

"Oh I don't know - someone I met at high school yesterday!"  Kiefer is love and warmth and acceptance.  There aren't many people Kiefer doesn't accept warmly into his life.  Kiefer is also happiness and who doesn't love to surround themselves with happiness?  

At graduation, my heart was warmed by how many kids called Kiefer over to be a part of their pictures.  Putting their arms around him and welcoming him into their group.  I wasn't sure if Kiefer had found his 'tribe' yet but it seems that many people will be looking out for Kiefer next year when he starts grade 9.  I'm not sure Kiefer has found his true 'tribe' yet, but I do know he's going to be okay.  I want to wrap him up in bubble wrap and not let the world hurt him or change his giving and loving heart.  

Now starts the "how do I keep them busy" routine of summer.  I plan on spending a lot of time up at the trailer...beach days...maybe some sewing in there.  A ton of reading!  

We need to do some summer bingo...we need to make up a schedule - for everyone so we aren't wasting away our summer days!  We are also planning a trip to Florida!  So we will have to schedule that into our mix as well!  

Every summer I'm a bit nervous as I don't know how it's all going to pan out.  We always seem to survive it all - but this summer I'm really striving for making the MOST of it.  Our trip to Florida may be our last full family trip for a while.  I know Parker is continuing to live at home while he apprentices for my brother and Dad, but he will be working and time off might not come as easily.  Or will he WANT to spend time with us?  

I heard on the radio that this summer is going to be very hot!  That makes me SO happy!!  

Okay well, all this talk of summer has me thinking I need to print Bingo sheets, make a schedule, talk to the boys about the schedule, and get moving!  

MY LAST DAY OF FREEDOM!!  

Blah blah blah

 

As soon as I searched for an image under "blah" this one came up and it instantly spoke to me.  I'm feeling very 'blah' these days.  Unmotivated, under the weather, and not happy with life in general.  I feel an insane amount of anxiety these days (constantly thinking of worst-case scenarios in my head) and pressure to keep up with the invisible Joneses.  Jones'?  Jone's?  Whatever, you get the picture.  

I have been working on several different quilts for gifts for the end of the school year.  I am working on one for Kiefer's teacher who has been an absolute GOD SEND as a teacher this year.  She's absolutely amazing!!  I've never done a quilt for a teacher before (mostly because I take SO LONG to complete one) but this lady deserves it.  It's just a little lap quilt - but I love it and I hope she does too.  I have enough of the exact same fabric to make another one - so I just might!  

I'm also working on one for Nyla, Parker's current girlfriend.  I realize that she might not always be his girlfriend - which pains me to think it might eventually get thrown out - but I wanted to do something special for her.  She makes Parker so happy - and she treats him REALLY well.  Man that kid deserves to be happy and I don't think it comes easy to him.  I feel guilty about that too.  

I bought a quilt kit for a hamburger quilt - I really want to finish it but the lady who sold it to me really undersold how difficult it would be.  She said it took her sampler only a weekend to complete it.  It's going to take me 17 years!! It's so complicated!!  I might have to kidnap Kathy and get her to help me with it over a weekend.  

Poor Blaine, suffering from the same motivation trap I am.  He's going to fail math.  I've poked and prodded him along all semester but if that boy doesn't want to do something, he will NOT do it.  And I'm done with fighting.  It's been fighting all his life!  I'm exhausted and too tired to keep fighting.  I know that makes me a bad parent but I just can't anymore.  I feel like I do most of it alone.  And Paul just FREAKS out.  

I feel VERY scattered lately.  Like ADHD on overdrive.  During this journal entry I've stopped countless times to do other things.  Call the cake lady.  Respond to text messages.  Google search "omnipresent".  WHAT THE HELL FOR?!  

Anyways, this was a checklist item today - again no motivation to really do anything.  

So ...DONE! 

Psycho Bunny

 WHAT THE FUCK WITH TEENAGERS?!

Paul and I are in Mexico on vacation.  We have been here a week and return home on June 14th.  (It's the 10th right now)  We were shopping and saw this brand called "Psycho Bunny" and I should have known this was a foreshadowing!  UGH.  

Blaine decided he needed a pet and without consulting us bought himself a bunny.  No cage, no food, no preparation what so ever.  He's already emotionally attached to this bunny.  I texted him and said NO bunny in the house and he's ready to kill himself (his words) unless the bunny can come home.  

This is ridiculous.  He is running the house at this point.  He is doing whatever the fuck he wants with no punishments and no regard for anyone else but himself.  I know we have to provide a home for him until he is 18 but he's only 16 and I don't think I'm going to make it!!!!  How am I going to survive another two years of this bullshit?!?!?!?!  

I want to cancel everything right now.  No internet, no phone.  We just bought him an $800 computer because he said his game was how he coped.  Now it's the bunny (having a pet) how he needs to cope.  It's always something.  I am so fucking done with Blaine!!!!!!  I want to kick him out.  He keeps trying to bait me into saying he's not welcome home.  He says he is going where the bunny goes.  So that's HIS choice but he is trying to put it all on me.  

Why the fuck does he always have to ruin anything good in our lives.  This was our vacation to relax and recharge and unwind.  I'm now so wound up it's going to take days to unwind.  And guess what?!  I won't.  I won't unwind until I get home and deal with this whole bunny bullshit.  

And then it's going to be an epic fight.  An epic battle that will ultimately end up with Blaine back at home because honestly, where else does he have to go?  He has no friends.  He has no where to go.  Fucking telling me all about his mental health yet he won't take his meds, he won't talk to a therapist with any REAL emotions.  It's all about "my parents won't give me a phone, my parents won't do this or that"

I'm SO FUCKING TIRED OF IT!!!!  I bust my fucking ass for that kid and all he does is take and take and take.  I'm FUCKING DONE.  His room is getting cleaned out and he isn't going to like it one fucking bit.  DUMPED INTO BINS for him to sort out.  Closets cleaned out.  Drawers cleaned out.  I'm beyond done.  BEYOND DONE.  

This kid is going to get a BIG wake up call.  HUGE and he isn't going to like it one bit.