I'm fighting right now with my body. Yes, my own body. For a long time I viewed my cesarean sections as a failure of my body. I didn't even want to live in it for the longest time because I was so mad at it for failing me. Failing us, me and my baby. Well, we're fighting again.
I started this diet just over two weeks ago, full of vigor and ambition. I was not going to fail. I just WAS NOT. It wasn't an option. And for over the last two weeks I've been doing GREAT! Lost just over 10 pounds!!!
Aaaaannnnnnnd, here's the catch. My milk supply has dried up. Like almost to nothing. Kiefer latches on and gets 3, maybe 4 good gulps of milk and then that's it. He keeps sucking and sucking away, and it starts to smart a bit, since there is nothing there, but I keep him latched on in the hopes that it will up my supply.
So, I have abandon my diet - AGAIN. I was started the Body for Life diet a few months before we left for Dominican. Same thing - dropped 12 pounds in two weeks and milk supply plummetted. So I stopped dieting. I feel like the biggest loser and failure in the world. I have gone back to my old eating habits MINUS all the junk food we would eat in front of the TV at night. I hate it. And the worst part of it all is, my supply has not yet recovered. So I feel like I am eating too much for nothing.
And hence my "fight" with my body. Like seriously, I'm pretty sure that if my body just tapped into the fat in my ass or my thighs my kid could eat like a king for QUITE some time. So why do I gotta suffer because I'm trying to eat a bit healthier?? Not only for myself but to provide a good example to my kids so they grow up knowing what healthy eating looks like.
GRRRRRRRRRR. I'll let you know when the fight ends. Right now I gotta take my fenugreek and blessed thistle, wash 'em down with a beer and hit the hay. Beer, herbs and sleep. Anything else I'm missing to bring this milk up???
Instead of looking at this diet as failure, think of it that you postpone it until a better time to restart.
ReplyDeleteHey Krista - I feel you. It is so hard to lose baby weight when you are nursing, but don't take it as a sign of failure, but rather an intimate sign of how well your body is communicating its needs to you. Switching to healthy foods, rather than cutting down quantity, can make dramatic differences as well. In all honesty, Krista, I'm amazed and inspired at how efficiently your body is communicating to you. But I know how frustrating it must be as well. Good luck!
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