What is the point?

 Am I having an existential crisis?  I am really starting to wonder 'What's it all for?'

We work our entire lives waiting for the next 'better' step.  Children wanting to be adults.  Adults wanting to be married.  Wanting for a better bigger job.  Wanting for children.  Wanting for a bigger better house.  Wanting for the children to get through 'this stage'.  Then the next.  And the next.  And wanting them to grow up and move out.  Wanting them to move back in.  Wanting for them to appreciate.  Wanting to retire.  Wanting to travel.  Wanting.  WANTING.  WANTING & WAITING.

Is that what life is about?  

I love the poem written above about the dash.  How you live your dash.  If I died today, what would people say about my dash?

I hope people would say I'm a helper.  I hope they would say I'm happy and a lover of life.  Which inside makes me laugh since I didn't always love life.  And I guess I don't always love life.  I get angry about the struggle.  About the past traumas I have suffered.  

How do I fill the funeral home with people who adore me when I die?  How do I positively affect the lives of others?  How do you heal yourself and at the same time not make it all about you?

Help the elderly.  Help the homeless.  Help the less fortunate.  Spread love.  

I try to be a good person.  I give to the homeless asking for change on the street.  I pay for the person's order behind me.  I give away items I think would help others.  But how can I do more?  How can I be even better?   And heal me?  Can I focus on myself and help others?  

Is there a way to heal and help at the same time?  Perhaps that's where my passion lies?  Perhaps that's where my true calling is.  

Now WHAT is it?  

I'm honing in on something here.  I can feel it.  Stay tuned.