Habits

 

Yup I had to use two pictures today because they both spoke to me.  

It's been a little while since I've done a journal entry.  Some days I think, what have I got to talk about and I struggle to pull together enough worth hitting 'save'.  But then other days I can't wait to get to the keyboard to mind dump all that is swimming around in this noggin' of mine.  

The one thing that I noticed, when I got out of doing my daily rituals, my mood changed - DRASTICALLY.  Now I wouldn't have said before this hiatus that my daily rituals were habits yet.  They are something I need to remind myself to do.  Although meditating before bed has become a habit for sure.  I almost cannot fall asleep now without that daily ritual.  Thank you Headspace!  

But for my journalling, for instance, I wouldn't have thought it would make much of a difference.  And at one point last year, I did think, "What's the point of all this brain dumping??  No one reads it - Oh gawd I HOPE no one reads it - and I don't know if it's helping me at all.  

But after a busy December, a quiet but busy with family Christmas and New Years, I found myself yearning to get back to the keyboard and get back to dumping out on the screen all that's floating around in my head.  Even if it's just dust bunnies. 

WebMD says "Journaling about your feelings is linked to decreased mental distress. In a study, researchers found that those with various medical conditions and anxiety who wrote online for 15 minutes three days a week over a 12-week period had increased feelings of well-being and fewer depressive symptoms after one month."

It was interesting to me that it made a difference so drastically in my mood.  I'm certain there were other factors, like the stress of the holidays, and wanting it all to be so perfect for my boys, but the fact that I longed to get back to the keyboard was the interesting part.  It was like, inherently, I knew that the process of getting all my thoughts, worries, anxieties, fears, and excitements out on the page was helpful!  

Brain science is so cool!!  

Now how do I get my oldest son to do the same??  

I'm sad to report that Parker has been struggling with mental health.  Right around the same time that I had a major depressive episode and tried to commit suicide.  I didn't really want to die.  I mean I would have tried again if I did.  I just wanted the pain and darkness to end.  And it breaks my heart to think that he is feeling the same way.  Life isn't perfect.  Its hard and messy and painful.  But it's also beautiful and exciting and rewarding.  I want for him to experience all of those things.  

I need to help him build the healthy habits that I have come to rely on to keep me out of the darkness.  And I don't want him to wait until he's 46 to figure it out.  He has a beautiful wonderful life to live - and I want him to feel that way.  That it's beautiful and wonderful and he's lucky to be alive.  

Okay off to do some more research about how to keep him upbeat and happy.  

~K

💜