Not getting it

So another goal to write some more so here I am writing.  I had a writing assignment for my "Courage to Heal" journey last night.  It was painful and I hated every second of it.  And I'm sure if I read it again, none of it will make sense - which I'm told is fine.  The point is to just write.  Free flow writing they call it - or some other bullshit.  

I typically like to write - it's week two of using the new planner and for the most part I'm still loving it but the tasks are a little less exciting and starting to feel like chores.  I have not had one day where I am aimlessly moving around our house keeping busy but going nowhere.  Which is good.  I have goals and I"m going to achieve them dammit.  I even woke up early this morning and did my workout BEFORE I started the day.  Which, honestly, was hard but AWESOME.  I don't have to figure out where in my day I'm going to fit it in.  I need to work a bit better on figuring out how to schedule in stuff when stuff comes up.  Like time block some "shit came up" spaces in each day.  Because 'shit comes up EVERY.  FREAKING.  DAY.  

Like today.  I wanted to head into the office and do some office work but I got sidetracked with helping a former client clean up and awful leasing mess she got into.  I've involved my broker and hopefully, we are going to make some headway here for her.  But it's now 11:15 and I did not head into the office and do any office work (realtor work) today.  But I guess in the long run, I did since I was helping a former client and friend.  So the other thing I'm really trying to do is give myself some grace.  Instead of always beating myself up when I feel like I 'failed' (let's also redefine failure, shall we), I give myself grace.  I've been productive, I'm helping a friend with real estate stuff - so really it's real estate work!  :D 

I do like the planner - no I actually love it.  I'm going to keep with it and see how my goals start shaping out!  

I've also decided my phone is the devil and a constant distraction from my goals.  Social media, texts, emails - all so alluring to me that I stop what I'm doing so I can 'complete' these things.  I need to learn to, before I start a task, turn the phone off!  Complete the task and then turn the phone back on.  I am in shock when I get my weekly report saying "your average screen time last week was 6 hours".  HOW IN THE HELL DO I SPEND 6 HOURS STARING AT A SCREEN THAT 20 YEARS AGO I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE!!!  

It makes me sick really.  My goal is to get that screen time down to 2 hours.  THAT is a lofty goal.  But I believe I can do it.  I recently deleted all the apps I wasn't using.  LOADS of games.  My next step is to organize my apps into the ones I use most on the front screen and the ones I would like to use less...on the back screen!  

I try to convince myself that I lost a sale once because I didn't check my Facebook.  And while that *may* be true (who knows for certain if she would have used me), it has only been the once.  In THREE years.  So get over yourself Krista.  Stop checking Facebook.  Stop checking Instagram.  Just do your damn job.  

Being productive is exhausting.  I do think one of the things I do need to plan is a rest day.  A day where I do almost nothing.  Sit and watch TV.  Have a nap!  Oh how decadent would that be?!  

For now, I'm focused on my goals and until I get a little closer to them - there's no time to nap! 

So there you have it. My goal for this week on journalling complete.  I could keep writing about all the other shit going on - how Blaine is failing and not going to school, how I miss Lida and cry if I think about it for too long, how I feel like I may be leaving Paul behind in terms of my motivation vs his, but I guess some of that will be for next week!

See you (me seeing me) then!

~k