Happy

 

"Happiness is a state of mind.  It's just according to the way you look at things." ~Walt Disney

"You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness" ~Jonathan Safran Foer

"It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy." ~Lucille Ball

I got the most wonderful compliment today but it wasn't even meant as one.  I quickly stopped off at home to pick up something I had forgotten and found my husband in bed.  I gave him a quick kiss, explained why I was home and was just about to leave when he said, "Why are you so happy?  You have a big smile on your face"  He then said, "What?  I get upset and you get happy?"  

So it wasn't meant as a compliment - but I've been working really hard on my mental health lately.  Going to therapy diligently every other week, journalling, working on textbook time, meditating every day (I just had a 12-day streak going but missed a day and lost it!)  I've also been focusing on my gratitude journal and finding things to be thankful for each and every day.  Even if it's the RAIN!  😄

I am focusing on making myself better and letting all the other stuff go.  I can't control other people.  I can't control what their lives will look like.  What their relationships are like.  I just can't.  So why stress about it?  I mean, MUCH easier said than done.  

I've had very down days.  Days where I didn't think I could get out of bed, much less work or complete a long 'to do' list.  I've had frustrated and angry days.  I've had days where I wasn't sure I would find my groove or happiness ever again.  Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying I'm 'cured' here.  FAR from it.  I don't know what my groove is, I don't know what I'm doing for work and I am still working on implementing boundaries!  

But for my husband to catch me with a full-on smile on my face - WOW!!  I feel like I'm really making some progress!  It's difficult when you work on something diligently and consistently for so long and there are no real measurable results.  I feel more at peace.  I feel happier.  I feel like I have more tools in my toolbox to deal with the stress or frustrations.  Mental health is a very difficult thing to measure.  

But for my husband to catch me in a full-on smile so much so that he asked me, "Why are you so happy?" made my day.  Made my week!  Despite the fact that I'm sitting here looking at my planner and all the things I know I have to do to 'catch up' and get ready for my weekend away.  

Happy.  Today I reached level happy.  

Honestly, I couldn't be 'happier' about it.  

😁