I am feeling a greater sense of peace within me lately. I have come to realize about myself that I need validation. Is that a bad thing? Perhaps not. But what happens when I don't get validation? That is when my peace is disturbed.
So, my thought is, that I need to learn to self-validate. And I guess that comes with confidence. And I'm getting there. I really am. This consistency thing with work (working on that) and working out really helps me in multiple ways.
I've always said that I'm not good at consistency. I'm just not good at it. (excuse) But I will also say, that once I put my mind to something, I WILL accomplish it. I don't know what happened but I woke up one day and I was done being the weight and shape I was in. So I started working out at the community center where we have a membership. I avoided going because I wasn't certain of how to use the machines. So I removed the obstacle by signing up for an orientation session. Then, in January, I won a free month of personal training with my previous personal trainer. That month kicked me into high gear. So I have been working out (almost) every weekday for two months and I'm down 17 pounds! 😁 I wish things would happen faster but don't we all! It took me years to gain all this weight of CONSISTENTLY eating poorly, so it's going to take a few months of me eating CONSISTENTLY better and working out to lose it. And when I'm done, not only will I be lighter, I'll be stronger and healthier!
See the pattern there? CONSISTENTLY! I've also been focusing on meditating each day. So far, I'm on a 9 day streak! (About to be 10 today!) I am pretty good at doing it a few times a week but I have really been prioritizing myself and making sure I do it each day, even if it's as I'm drifting off to sleep. 😴
Blaine has been a bit of a struggle lately, but we are working on it. It's so frustrating! I wish he would just realize how lucky he has it having parents like us! I know he struggles with his identity, and depression, etc. but man oh man - his anger and defiance is just off the charts!
I still find it very hard to prioritize myself. I feel like I'm being selfish. But I keep to a plan and I do my work (most of the time) and then I reward myself.
2023 is the YEAR OF KRISTA!!
I'm excited to be smaller. I'm excited to be stronger. I'm excited to wear my ACTUAL wedding set again and not the knockoff I usually wear (because the real one doesn't fit!)
I'm 36 pounds away from wearing my wedding set. Which realistically, is probably 4 months away. So that's June. Just in time for Paul's birthday! It seems like a long time away, but we talk about "how did the summer fade away so fast?" Or "can you believe it's 2023 already?" And NO I can't. So if I just keep consistent, and get back on the wagon when I fall off (no major fall offs yet - a day here or there, a meal here or there but staying on track for the most part!) then I will be so close to my goals by my birthday and definitely by Christmas - probably even thanksgiving!
I'd like to write more - maybe later - but I have homework to do!
chat later!
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