Boundaries

 

When I looked for an image to relate to boundaries I expected to choose something with a physical barrier to relate to the word.  

Instead, I was surprised to find MANY images relating to the boundaries we hold for ourselves.  And many articles relating to the topic, the majority of which, related to women setting boundaries for themselves.  

It was an interesting find - and a soothing one at that - since I don't feel so alone in needing to reassess my boundaries.  

I'm a people pleaser.  I always have been.  It doesn't work very well as a project manager.  Works MUCH better as a realtor.  😀

The 'problem' is that I'm a people pleaser until I have been pushed too far.  (Usually by my kids!) And then I just BLOW UP.  I've only done this once as a project manager - and turns out it had the exact effect I needed - wasn't looking for it as I wasn't looking to blow up at anyone!  

Professionally, I don't put up with crap.  If I make a bad hire, I will fire the person as quickly as I hired them.  

I'm trying more diligently as of late, to enforce my own personal boundaries.  The thing is, people don't like it.  I guess, especially, from someone who in the past, would get pushed around quite a bit.  

As I think about it more, basically as I type this, I realize that OF COURSE, people aren't going to like it.  They have their own agenda and my boundaries interfere with that.  They need to readjust their thoughts and plans to accommodate my own boundaries.  Part of me expected that Paul, of all people, should just accept my boundaries with open arms and be supportive of the journey I'm going on.  In retrospect, I can see that my delivery could have as much to do with his response, as what I was saying to him.  

I'm tired and frustrated and I just want this LOOONG journey to be over.  In 3 days, I'm going to be 46 years old - and I feel like I have nothing to show for my entire life.  I focus a lot on not having a degree.  It's something I deeply regret.  But I know at the time, I was not emotionally stable enough to complete a degree.  I want to believe that I am smart enough for one.  If I started a degree now, I *could* be done by the time I'm 50.  But what do I WANT a degree in?  I need to make money for our family.  Can I complete a degree and have a full-time job?!  Doubtful.  

I just wish I knew what I was supposed to be doing with my life.  I don't want to waste it.  I guess I have a lot to think about.  

💜